dann_0 | PSL: Sentinel AU

Danny is Steve's guide. He is still pretty new at it and working with a Sentinel who has some bad experiences. To top if off, while working a case in Portland he finds out that a guide can have more than one Sentinel who is their perfect match.

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From:

super_seal

Shivering in Danny's embrace, Steve cuddles in as close as he can. He'd prepared himself not to have this again but just feeling the zone threatening to take him skirting around the edges makes him wonder how he could possibly go without. Focusing on Danny's words and the feel of his hands, Steve's able to regain a small amount of control.

He nods in response to Danny's question but he's not able to let go of the other man quite yet. Both embarrassed and ashamed, this isn't the man he's supposed to be, nor the man he wants to be. Feeling and acting like this is out of character for him and he's not really sure how to deal with it all.

"I'm sorry, Danny. You deserve better."

From:

dann_0

"Why Steve? You're pretty awesome." Nothing he'd admit normally but this was a special circumstance. He nudges Steve towards the couch without actually pulling back much and drags him down next to him. "Easy now. Just relax. You're home, safe and I'm here." He wraps his arms back around Steve and holds him close, making sure Steve can rest his head on his shoulder.

"I am not going anywhere, I am staying right here. And you're not a bad deal Steve, not at all. You think any other Sentinel would have been as gentle and slow as you are? Letting me learn and not blaming me for fucking up?"

From:

super_seal

Steve goes easily with Danny to the couch, letting the other man pull and then guide him how he wants him. Steve ducks his head in close, tilted in such a way that he can't see the hickey on Danny's neck. There's no answer to Danny's question of why. It's so many things, too many, and Steve is passed the point of arguing against himself. Instead he focuses on Danny's voice, heartbeat and his breathing.

But then what Danny says makes him pull back so that he can look at Danny's face with a frown on his own. "You've not fucked anything up. I can't ask for a better guide. Neither can Eliot. We're both lucky to have you, Danny. You have no idea," his voice drops, "and I hope you never do."

From:

dann_0

Danny smiles slightly at him and reaches up to continue stroking Steve's hair. "I have no idea what I am doing. Half the time I am pretty sure I am making things worse, not better."

He continues the stroking. "You could have a guide that wasn't a match for someone else and Eliot could have a guide that is closer to him." But he does nod at the last part. He does hope so himself. Based on everything Steve and Eliot's told him he doubts he wants to meet any other guides.

From:

super_seal

As Danny strokes through his hair, Steve slowly starts to relax into Danny and his breathing evens out. "No. You... You make things better. Easier. Clearer. Calmer."

His voice is calm, low and even when he starts to speak. Having Danny so close and doing just the right things is clearly helping. "I've always kinda looked at guide and sentinel matches like a man and woman matches. There is no perfect match, just high compatibility. When you meet someone who is compatible, over time you grow together and become even stronger. If it doesn't work out, you can still be compatible with someone else." Closing his eyes he adjusts slightly so Danny's heartbeat is louder without adjusting his sense of hearing. "With a guide and sentinel though, they get so far and then they bond. Once they bond... I hear it's for life." He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slow. "You're compatible with Eliot because you can't connect deeper with me." 'Cause I'm broken and can't bond' isn't said but it's still there, hanging in the air. "If you hadn't of met me, you'd likely be moving to move to Las Vegas with Rachel and Stan. You'd be closer to Eliot."

It's not lost on Steve that he's well aware that he's giving Danny yet another reason to leave him. Even knowing he's considered Danny's family, the worry is still there at the back of his mind. That when Danny realizes how much Steve is holding him back he's going to realize that family doesn't have to be so close and rearrange how things are set up.

From:

dann_0

"If I hadn't met you, I'd be back in Jersey with Rachel by now. Or following her and Stan all around the country. I wouldn't have met Eliot and I wouldn't have known what I am." He sighs slightly, hating how Steve is arguing against this. "Can't I be compatible with both of you?"

He tightens his grip on Steve, trying with every fiber of his being to tell him he isn't going anywhere. Steve is his Sentinel just as much as Eliot is and maybe he can't bond with Danny but that doesn't change that Danny still considers him his.

From:

super_seal

Steve pushes his face into Danny's chest. Danny almost leaving to go back to Jersey with Rachel and Grace is bittersweet for him. Because Steve had ended up accused of the Governor's murder Danny had stayed to help him - in doing so wrecking his chance to get back with Rachel, but also keeping him with Steve. Steve hadn't known what was going on at the time and things were different between them now. They were still close back then, best friends, but he didn't have his sentinel abilities when that had happened, although they had come back shortly after. He pushes those thoughts away. What's done is done and in the past.

"You are compatible with both of us, but I've never heard of a three-way relationship with sentinels and guides before. Much like you don't hear of three-way marriages. When the need to bond becomes too strong..." Steve shrugged. The balance that Danny was hoping to maintain would be out of whack. By not bonding, Danny and Eliot would be miserable fighting against nature and their instincts, and if they did Steve would would lose his connection with Danny over time. No matter which way he looked at it, he was in the way. He really wasn't trying to be difficult, just practical and realistic.

Cuddling into the tighter embrace, Steve feels the promise Danny is trying to imprint on him, and he believes that Danny believes that they can do this. Unlike most of the time though, Steve is the one who can't see how he's going to make that happen and his fear of being left behind refuses to stop clawing at him. "I trust you..." Steve bites his lip, the emotional stuff is difficult for him to process and put into words. He squeezes Danny tighter for a moment. "I-I'm sorry if I'm making this harder. I'm just..." 'Terrified. Don't want to be left again.' - Both goes unsaid. "I'm willing to try... Just..." He's going to need Danny to be patient.

Edited Date: 2017-05-28 08:13 pm (UTC)

From:

dann_0

"Steve, you do know poly relationships exist right? They might not be married under the law but there are plenty of people who are in committed long-term relationships with more than one person." He smiles softly, still stroking Steve's back. "What I am saying is that just because it isn't common it doesn't mean that people can't make it work. We'll figure out this, all three of us." He is firm in that belief for once. He doesn't typically believe in happy ever after and other such nonsense, Rachel had cured him of that. But this he had to believe for Steve and Eliot.

Steve doesn't need to say the words. Danny can feel them. Thanks to the last year he's gotten better at figuring out where the line between his own emotions and Steves are. "We'll take it slow, we'll talk plenty. Once you're both comfortable, you and Eliot can talk too. Get to know each other, maybe that will help. I am here, I am not leaving you, Steve. I got your back, we're partners, right?"

From:

super_seal

Turning his head away from Danny, he takes in a long breath, filling his lungs, expanding his back into Danny's caress, and holds it a moment. Perhaps the three-way marriage had been a bad example, it wasn't like they were attempting a three-way relationship. While Danny didn't seem to realize how the dynamics would change, Steve didn't have the first hand experience that they would either. He could only go by what he saw in other guide and sentinel pairings. True that those he'd been matched with moved on, found other pairings and drifted away from him, but none had actually attempted to stay connected either. Maybe it would be different with Danny.

After a moment he slowly releases the breath and molds himself more over Danny. The hardest part for Steve will be his attraction towards Danny and keeping that from becoming a problem. In a way he wishes he never knew of Danny's past attraction towards him. Perhaps it would make things easier, never knowing that things might have been if he'd only been willing to take that risk. But, things weren't that simple. It wasn't just fear of things going wrong and losing Danny all together that prevented Steve from speaking up or trying, it had also been his connection to the Navy. At some point they'd figure out his abilities had returned and when that happened he was going to lose Danny whether they liked it or not.

Which as hard as that was going to be, maybe it was just best for Steve to focus on things that way. Then he, nor Danny, had to be the bad guy in any of this. It would be the Navy that pulled Steve away. At least now Danny will have Eliot for support when that happens. A shiver runs through him at the thought of going back to active duty and leaving the life he has now. Not having Danny in his life regularly. Stretching out the uncomfortable thoughts he rubs his face into Danny's chest again and wills the thoughts from his mind. It's not something he needs to worry about now. He knows it's coming and he'll deal with it when it does. Until then, he's going to enjoy whatever Danny is willing to share with him.

"Maybe." Steve closes his eyes, trying to make himself feel more optimistic than he actually does. "Maybe it will. I'll try to let this go. I promise. I just... I need a bit of time to wrap my head around it all." Things changed unexpectedly too fast on him, he just needed a moment to catch up. That's all this was. Really. He just had to keep telling himself that. "I've got your back too, partner. Whatever you need... However I can help... I'll do what I can." He pulls Danny in, hugging him tighter.

From:

dann_0

Danny just stays there, ignoring feeling hungry. Right now it isn't what Steve needs from him. "Take the time you need Steve." Eventually, he can't ignore the hunger anymore and he reaches for the food, eating right there in the embrace. He even gives Steve a few bites. Finally, he is struggling to keep his eyes open. "I am going to grab a shower and then we go sleep?"

He smiles at Steve and heads to the shower. He doesn't take long but he makes sure to clean well. Steve had mentioned he smelled of Eliot and he figures Steve might not want to go to bed with that. When he comes out he's wearing fresh pajamas and his pulling a t-shirt down over his chest. But not fast enough to hide that the marks on Danny's neck are only a few of a much larger collection.

From:

super_seal

When Danny comes out of the bathroom, Steve is already sitting on the bed in just his pajama bottoms. Naturally his eyes move to Danny as he enters the room and they go wide as he sees the marks all over his partner's chest and stomach. At first he's filled with concern but when his eyes move up to look at Danny's he once again see the hickey under his chin and he knows instinctively what all those other welts are from.

He can feel the pull to focus in on one of the marks, the deepest and the darkest he can see but the shock of realization also had him sucking in a breath at the same time and he starts to choke, saving him from the visual zone.

Standing he starts to pace. His fear surging once again and even while he's still coughing to get his breathing under control a low growl can be heard mixed into the noise. He needs a glass of water but he can't make himself go by Danny to get it. That is not 'nothing will change'! And it's not just about him, Gracie is going to see those marks... His fear latches onto his indignation on behalf of Grace. Anger is so much better than fear and he's so very tired of being afraid and emotional.

Finally getting the coughing under control he turns on Danny. "What the hell, Danny?!"

From:

dann_0

Danny blinks at Steve's reaction. He had not expected that and it takes him a few seconds to realize what set it off. He swallows and pulls the shirt down quickly, blushing. But the growl has him concerned. He debates stepping back, giving Steve the space he needs but when Steve turns on him he is still there.

Anger what not what he had expected at all. He is quiet for a long moment then. "It is not what you think." Well, he isn't sure what Steve is thinking really but he better be on the safe side. "I..." He licks lips.

From:

super_seal

Steve's eyebrows raise at Danny's response. "It's not?! Then why don't you fill me in on exactly what that is, because it's clear as hell you don't know what I'm thinking!"

Feeling angry is so much more comfortable to Steve than the fear and he allows himself to feel it instead of trying to hide or push it way. There's no threat to Danny, Steve would never hurt him under any circumstance where he has control, and the anger he's feeling is nowhere near out of control. But he's angry and right now feeling justifiable in it.

From:

dann_0

"I asked for these marks and left my share of them on him as well." Danny's confused by the anger, and irritated by it, he is tired and had hoped they weren't going to have this conversation. At least not right now. "We're adults, we can do exactly what we like as long as we're both consenting. You didn't think he wouldn't leave any marks? You don't on Catherine?"

From:

super_seal

Danny's response is almost like a smack in the face to Steve and as his angry flares he puts a lid on it to keep it contained. "No, Danny, I don't. And she doesn't leave marks on me." At least not purposely, certainly not like that, but it's clear to Steve that what he's lacking with Catherine, Danny has definitely found with Eliot.

If he was confused about his place before it's become very clear to him now. "You're right, Danny. You're a consenting adult and can do what you want." Turning, Steve looks at the bed. Closing his eyes he fights to contain everything he feels slipping through his fingers, things he had no right to anyway. He's still angry and he's holding on to it. "Don't lie to me, Danny. Don't sit there one minute and tell me nothing is going to change and then expect me not to notice when things clearly have."

From:

dann_0

Danny blinks again and then he moves closer to Steve, sitting down next to him and moving to wrap an arm around him. "Steve. I.. I didn't mean to lie to you, I didn't know I had. Eliot likes to leave a mark, but that doesn't have to mean things between us has to change. Heck how I feel about you have not changed." If anything he just wanted Steve more now that he knows what he could get here too.

"You're still my partner and sentinel. That has never changed."

From:

super_seal

That causes Steve to blink at Danny. "When was the last time you wore a shirt to bed, Danny?"

It almost sounds petty when he says it out-loud, but the sleeping arrangement was one of the things he found helped him the most. Nights Danny wasn't near his sleep was disturbed, often filled with restlessness and nightmares. It was a large part of the reason they had ended up in this position to begin with. Steve generally slept better, soundly, when he was curled into Danny, skin against skin and Danny's heartbeat in his ear. Seeing Eliot being functional for so many years away from both the military and a guide has made Steve wonder how much the military has made him reliant on a guide. He has to give the other sentinel a lot of credit, he's not sure he'd function well without a guide long term like that, but then he's never really been without.

It's hard for Steve to stay angry at Danny. Like most times, he finds he really doesn't want to. "I think..." Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I think we're going to need to discuss what I can expect from you, and what I can't. I'm going to need it to be clear. You're right. You're a consenting adult free to do what you want, and I have no right or claim to make any demands... But I need to know where the lines are."

From:

dann_0

Danny hesitates. Eliot had said he could do what he needed to do, but he had also not been happy with the fact that Steve and Danny sleep in the same bed. He looks away, down at his feet. Was he trying to have too much and end up hurting both of them? He didn't want to hurt them, but isn't that what he's doing right now to Steve.

"He is ... threatened by you." He starts quietly. "I don't want him to be so I told him I'd be wearing clothes to bed." He looks down at his hands, rubbing them together. "I don't want either of you to be threatened by the other but I am not sure what I can do. You both think you're going to lose me to the other, and there is nothing I can do to prove otherwise."

From:

super_seal

"He's not the only one, Danny." Shooting Danny a look, he needs to move. Stepping out of Danny's embrace he starts to pace. "You can't keep telling us both that we can have it all. You can't give your all to two different people like that. That things aren't going to change with me and then make different arrangements with him. It doesn't work."

The fear is bubbling up under him again, fuck he hates this.

From:

dann_0

Danny looks at him for a long moment, he wants to answer, wants to step close and soothe those fears. Instead he shakes his head. "Alright, you're right, it's not fair. Things are going to change. I'll be going to see him for one. When I have time. And I am not going to be as ... well shirtless with you as I was before. But I'll still be here, I'll still sleep in your bed if you want me. We'll still cuddle. And we'll still be partners." He hopes. Oh god does he hope Steve still wants him around.

From:

super_seal

Steve nods and sticks his hands under his arms. The truth stings but no where near as much as being told things weren't changing when he knew they were. "Thank you."

The pacing comes to stop on the far side of the room, his back is to Danny and he drops his head. He needs time to wrap his head around all this. The changes he wasn't expecting but should have been. The new way of life. In front of him to the side is a chair with a T-shirt draped over it. It's his shirt, but Danny wears it when he's around and Steve's been sleeping with it since Danny has been gone. It still smells of him. Grabbing it he slips it on and turns towards the bedroom door.

"Sleep here. I'm gonna... I need a bit of space." He nods. Space. That's exactly what he needs. The hammock outside is where he's thinking. "Right now... Just for... I need to... Adjust. We'll talk more tomorrow?" He nods and takes another step. "Alright? You sleep here tonight and we'll talk more tomorrow?"

From:

dann_0

Danny watches him leave, scared and sad. Not scared of Steve but rather of losing him. "Promise you won't do anything stupid? Please?" He needs to know Steve will be safe. He goes to sit on the bed, feeling utterly defeated. How could he fuck up this badly? It takes him a long time to crawl into bed, and when he does he curls up on Steve's side. His face buries into the smell of Steve.

From:

super_seal

"I'm not going anywhere," he says as he slips through the door. "I'll just be downstairs."

Padding softly down the stairs, he grabs a throw off the couch and heads out the back. It's a beautiful night. The stars are out twinkling and there's a soft breeze coming off the ocean with the sound of the waves gently lapping up against the shore. It's peaceful. It's where he often came when he struggled before Danny moved in. Stretching out on the hammock he spreads the throw over him and stares up at the night sky.

He doesn't sleep and when the dawn light just cracks over the water he gets up. The blanket is folded and placed back on the couch and Steve uses the laundry room to change into his boardies and he heads off for his morning swim. About an ninety minutes later he's back on the beach. Pulling on a clean T-shirt and a fresh pair of boardies from the laundry room he moves to the kitchen to start making coffee and frying some eggs and bacon.

From:

dann_0

Danny's changed into some clean clothes, some of his own. And he is already in the kitchen. The coffee is almost done and he has two mugs out. When Steve steps inside he glances at him but looks away. He looks like hasn't slept, instead, he's just been curled up on Steve's bed. Alone.

He pours Steve some coffee and then some for himself. He licks his lips but he doesn't know where to start. He has been utterly selfish asking too much of both of them and he knows he deserves any silent treatment he gets.

From:

super_seal

It's unexpected to see Danny up so early and already ahead with the coffee, although he supposes he shouldn't be surprised. Danny doesn't look like he got any more sleep than Steve did. But the time on the hammock helped Steve. Gave him a chance to reorganize his thoughts, compartmentalize some things away and get with the new program. This isn't the first time he's had to do this.

"Hey partner," he says in greeting. It's not chipper but there will be no silent treatment from him, he doesn't see the point in it, and he doesn't need to make things worse. Danny could still leave completely and that's not what he wants either. Taking a sip from the coffee Danny poured him, he offers a small smile. "Thank you. Do you want bacon and eggs?" Steve didn't eat much the night before and while he's still not got an appetite he knows he needs to eat.

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Daniel "Danno" Williams

July 2018

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super_seal - Picking Danny up at the Airport

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