dann_0 | PSL: Sentinel AU

Danny is Steve's guide. He is still pretty new at it and working with a Sentinel who has some bad experiences. To top if off, while working a case in Portland he finds out that a guide can have more than one Sentinel who is their perfect match.

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From:

dann_0

Danny frowns at Steve's comment to Eliot but he doesn't say anything right then. But he does stop for Eliot on his way out. "If you need anything at all, just yell."

Then he places a hand on Steve's back and guides him over to his office. He shakes his head a little at the two of them but he waits until Steve's on the couch. "You want some more water? Or coffee or something?" He certainly feels like he needs it. Once he is sure that Steve's comfortable he quickly heads out to grab some coffee from the machine and clear his head for just a minute. Then he comes back.

"Steve. What's going on? Why is he here? Why are you doing this? I... I don't even fucking know what to say. It would make more sense if you were fighting over which one of you I should stay with but you're not. You say you've let this go too far. You mean you don't want this?"

From:

super_seal

Steve hadn't wanted Danny to follow him to his office. He's still hurting. His head, his senses and his heart. None of this was what he wanted and for the most part he doesn't feel like he should be involved or interfering. Most of all, he doesn't want to see Danny hurt. Right now though, he just wants to curl up on his couch and have it all just go away.

Once in his office he pretty much collapses onto his couch, folding in on himself, once more with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. When Danny offers a drink, he shakes his head. He doesn't think he could stomach anything right now.

Looking up when Danny comes back into the room, he shakes his head. "Why he's here we should discuss together." Man, that was another can of worms to discuss and get into, and really he'd prefer to wait not only until they are all together and calmer, but also when they have the DNA report back. Tilting his head he looks at Danny. "That is exactly what we are fighting about, Danny. But he thinks you should be with me and as much as that may be something I could want as well, it's not ideal. You deserve something long term and stable, that's not with me. I think you should be with Eliot. He can give you the things I can't."

Rubbing a hand through his hair, he leans back on the couch. "We've talked about this. The shirtless cuddling, I let us get to close. That can't be normal." A clear indication that he doesn't know what is normal. "What I want... I want to give you everything within my power to give. But, I can't give you what you want. That's outside of my control, so I'm trying to give you the next best thing. Figure things out with Eliot. What he's actually comfortable with and not just what he thinks you want to hear or what he can have. We'll go from there."

From:

dann_0

Danny sighs, he feels like he is going in circles with this. With both of them. "Could want? Do you or do you not want more than friendship?" He rubs his forehead. "You can give me things he can't. And what does it matter what you think I deserve. You might think I deserve better, I think I deserve to get to decide what I want. So don't make this about what you think I deserve. You're both doing that. Listen to what I am saying and think about what you want. Deserving does not belong in this conversation."

He can feel himself getting frustrated and he turns towards the door. "I'll be right out here if you need me."

From:

super_seal

"You know, that's not fair! What I want, I can't have, Danny. I know that. It's not something that's in your power to give me either." He calls out to Danny's retreating back, frustration giving him a small burst of energy. "You want me to buy into this pipe dream of what I could have if I just want for it. What's going to happen when it all falls apart? Not because we didn't try hard enough or want it bad enough but because the US Navy wants its property back and they have every right to do so."

His voice drops as the frustration and energy drains out of him. "I want you. I want to bond. I want to be happy and feel complete." Danny doesn't get it. It's all he's ever wanted since he was 15 years old - to be happy and complete again. He gave up wanting because it hurt too much never being able to actually have the things he wanted. Now Danny was asking him want for himself again but he didn't understand the cost. Part of that cost is the man in the other room. "You're asking him to share and it's damn clear to me that he desperately needs to possess all of you. He's willing to take what he can get and be happy with that knowing that at some point it's all going to fall apart and when that happens, it's likely going to kill him." He's not only talking about Eliot here. The description fits Steve too.

From:

dann_0

"You're not the god damn Navy's property, you're not and neither is he. You're people. You're allowed to want things for yourself."

He turns a little, looking at Steve, at the way he looks tired and defeated and he feels the same way. "Then he needs to say so. Because there is no way this is going to work if you two aren't honest with me. Any of this. Us being partners, him and I dating, that all needs to build on trust and honesty."

He takes a breath and shakes his head. "I am not something that you have to divide between you. This is not a zero sum game. He has all of me and so do you."

From:

super_seal

Steve tilts his head to look at Danny. The pain and pressure is increasing in his head and the light in the room is far too bright. He squints trying to hang on, to refocus but it feels like daggers are tearing at his eyes. Still he pushes through. "What I want... I want you to be taken care of. To be alright... When I get called back. That's more... Important to me... Than any other want. More important than... My selfish want to be... With you... More important than me... Being happy."

Shuddering, he suddenly realizes he's pushed himself too far. His skin starts to feel like it's on fire, pulled tight and prickly. It rolls over him and escalates beyond the point of being bearable and he whimpers at the onslaught. Sucking in a breath his chest tightens and it too burns. It's dry and not enough, his mouth goes try and feels like it's full of ash. The intensity of it all steels his breath away.

"Danny...!" There's an edge of panic in the call out to his partner. He knows what this is, has experienced it many times before, but years ago. Whether or not he wants his guide to help, he needs it now.

Edited Date: 2017-06-15 02:30 pm (UTC)

From:

dann_0

The panic stops Danny in his tracks and the mug is discarded on a table in a fraction of a second and then he is there, pushing close until he is straddling Steve's lap. "I got you." He pulls Steve close, kissing the top of his hair and then after a second's thought he pulls off his t-shirt and he pulls Steve nice and close.

"I am here, I got you, you're safe."

From:

super_seal

It feels like he's being pulled apart and imploding at the same time. The light is causing his eyes to burn and they start watering. Tear ducts fill and run over but to him it feels like someone has dumped sand in his eyes. His hearing is enhanced to the extreme, so that he can not only hear Eliot breathing in Danny's office, but every heartbeat in the building sounds like an out-of-tune drum orchestra practicing in the outer office. Words are just noise, but he can hear all conversations at once, every footstep, and even pens gliding across paper. Mouth dry, it feels and tastes like paste. His two strongest scents however are the worst. Every scent in the Five-O offices are bombarding him right down to the smell in the toilets and he gags on every breath that he fails to fully take. His skin feels like it's being seared down to the nerves and his clothes are scrapping those nerve endings raw. The skin exposed directly to air is subjected to the current of the air, shredding at skin and nerve, he can feel the air clawing at his bones. His heart is hammering in his chest and his body has picked up a twitch and shiver sporadic routine that makes it look like a live wire is coursing through him.

Mentally this is exact opposite of a zone. Instead of being lost in his head, focused solely on one aspect of one sense, he's locked in a sea of pain as all his senses overwhelm him. He'd scream but he can't get the air into his lungs to accommodate the action.

As Danny straddles his hips, his body recognizes him. Consciously there's too much coming at him to distinguish, but instinctively he knows relief is near and more importantly that he can trust Danny to help him through this. As Danny adjusts and pulls him close, Steve pushes his face into Danny's bare chest. Being surrounded by Danny, even if he can't yet distinguish him from everything else, is like a balm. The pain slowly starts to ebb back and a barrier starts forming between him in the onslaught of information. The gagging tapers off and the shivering and twitching move into the shakes. His breathing is still erratic as is his heart, but improvement can be seen.

From:

dann_0

"There you go, easy now, easy." Danny strokes along Steve's back, focusing on the neck and making sure he is only applying a gentle pressure. But at the same time, he keeps it steady and even. This is bad. Much worse than anything he's seen Steve have before. It worries him. Not only did Steve just zone but this too? But he does his best to put that aside and instead focus on keeping his breathing steady so Steve could have something to match.

"There you go. Breathe for me. You're doing good. You're doing real good. I got you, you're safe. Easy now, easy now."

From:

super_seal

It takes a couple minutes of Danny's constant caress and reassurance, but Steve starts to relax against him. It happens is steps, first his breathing falls in sync with Danny's, then his heart beat. Next, his arms come up and wrap around Danny's waist and he presses his forearms and palms onto Danny's back, seeking as much skin on skin contact as possible. His face doesn't move from being pressed up against Danny's chest except to move slightly more over his heart. Soon everything else is on the other side of the barrier and his world is focused on Danny. The sound of his voice, the smell of his scent and the feel of his skin up against Steve's.

The pain isn't as intense in his mind but there's an after image of it just beyond his being, threatening. Taking in a slightly deeper breath, Steve sighs out a heartfelt 'Danny'. There's so much more in that one word that he can put into words - thanks, trust, love, appreciation, relief.

From:

dann_0

"There you go." Danny whispers, pride in his voice. He blinks a little at the way Steve says his name, surprised but also absolutely loving it. He wants more of that. But this isn't the time or place. But he can't keep the smile out of his voice when he answers. "I'm right here. Not going anywhere. You're safe now." He shifts a little so he can pull Steve even more against himself and now that he knows Steve's starting to come out of it he shifts from gentle stroking to trying to give him a bit of a shoulder rub. Working out the knots there. He figures it might help Steve relax some more. "After this lets get you home and get you some proper sleep."

From:

super_seal

There's no fight left in him and as Danny adjusts him, Steve easily moves with him. His shoulders are relaxed, leaning forward towards Danny, but they're also full of knots from all the stress and tension he's been carrying there. The rub feels good and he all but purrs under his breath in appreciation of Danny's efforts.

His senses are still a mess, but right now with only Danny coming in he's appreciating the relief and the buffer. The loss of control and being overwhelmed like that has always scared him and that's no different now. He's never one for being made vulnerable and yet he never figured out how to get a handle on that uncontrollable immense pain when he had been exposed to that state. In the past he'd always been pushed there, this was the first time he'd ended up there by his own doing. It wasn't something he ever wanted to repeat again.

At Danny's mention of home and proper sleep Steve shivers. He doesn't want to be far from Danny but with Eliot here he doubts Danny will be cuddling in with him. Maybe he can crash on the couch, just to have him near. Besides they still need to talk, about a couple of things. Pushing those thoughts away for now he squeezes Danny in a hug.

"How long?" He has no idea how long he was like that or how long they've been cuddled in his office. His eyes are still closed and he's in no rush to open them.

From:

dann_0

Danny smiles slightly at the shiver. "Only ten minutes. It was pretty quick. You're getting better at getting out of it. And that seemed like a bad one." He strokes again and then goes back to working on the knots. "You know, you should go to one of those massage places and get a professional to look at things."

He smiles softly as he glances towards his own window and then back down at Steve. "You alright with Eliot coming back to your house with us?" He sighs a little the smile fading as he looks back. He has no idea how to prove to Eliot that he isn't going to lose him. But he isn't going to put that on Steve right now. This is something he has to figure out without involving either of them really since they seem to be negative about the whole thing.

"On the positive side, if Eliot comes with us I might convince him to cook. That will give us much better pizza than if we ordered out."

From:

super_seal

Steve shook his head, although since his face was pressed into Danny's chest it was more of a rubbing. "That's all you. You give me something stable I can follow out." Squeezing Danny, he inhales slightly - not enough to get high but to seek out comfort. "That was different. Not so much a zone but being completely overwhelmed." Usually when Danny pulled him out of a zone, unless what he was zoning on spiked - like a child who suddenly screeched, it wasn't painful. Whatever the name of what had just happened, hurt. His senses felt delicate and he was still avoiding opening his eyes.

At the mention of going to a professional masseur, Steve tenses slightly and he needs to force himself to relax again. Strangers touching him like that wasn't an idea he liked to entertain, even if it was for his well being.

"Yeah, I'm okay with it if you are." He's thinking about Grace here. If it hadn't of been for her, Steve likely would have brought Eliot back to the house last night. Thinking of Eliot again, Steve realizes Danny is without his shirt and that he shouldn't be okay with that. Right now though, he's still shaky and he's not going to protest anything that Danny is willing to give him. He wants things with Eliot to work out, but right now he needs this. Instead he sighed and relaxed more into Danny, letting out more of the tension as the pain started to ebb away. "Oh yeah? I could get behind that. He make pizza the way you like it?"

From:

dann_0

"I wish you were this easy to lead all the time." He leans to kiss Steve's hair again. "That's never happened before has it?" When Steve tenses Danny's hands are back on him and stroking his back. "Or I could take classes. I am going to need someone to practice on though."

"Yeah I am good with it if he is. And he does make really good food, I have no doubt he knows how to make pizza properly." He stays in the hug for a little bit longer and then finally moves to stand. "I am going to go check on him. You want to come with or do you want to wait here?"

From:

super_seal

"Are you saying I'm usually difficult?" There's not a lot of energy in his voice yet, but there is a traceable amount of humor lacing it. Although, all the humor is gone when he speaks again. "Never of my own doing, but in the military..." His voice drifts off and he somewhat shrugs and cuddles in tighter.

There's a small hum of appreciation. While Steve has no interest in others touching him, Danny is, and really has always been, allowed and even wanted. "I don't mind being your guinea pig for that."

"Yeah but your idea of proper pizza and everyone else's isn't quite the same thing." When Danny moves to stand, he takes in one more deep breath, then nods and releases his hold on Danny while straightening from his slouch. Part of him thinks that he should let Danny go alone to sort things out but being overwhelmed has left him more shaky than he was before and of all things, having that happen again is a scary prospect for him. "No, I'll go with you if you don't mind." He hands Danny his shirt. "Maybe I can help convince him to come back to the house, reassure him that it's something we both want."

Steve still wants Danny to have the stability of Eliot in his life. That hasn't changed and isn't going to change. He's willing to do almost anything he can to help that to happen. Although, what just happened has been a wake up call for him and his insistence to go it as much alone as possible has been rattled.

From:

dann_0

Danny shakes his head at the mentioning of the military forcing Steve through that. He is not at all happy hearing it and he wishes there was something he could do. But he knows that the best thing he can do is to make sure they are never getting their hands on Steve or Eliot.

He nods and then pulls the shirt back on. "Well, the guy knows good food so..." He grins. "And you're not the easiest partner I've had." Though he is definitely Danny's favorite by far. He pauses for a second to look back at Steve. Was Eliot coming back to the house something Steve wanted? He isn't sure. He is hoping and but he is worried Steve's just allowing it to keep Danny happy.

Once they are ready Danny leads the way into his office. "Eliot?"

From:

super_seal

"Well, I know he makes one hell of a burger," Steve says as he pushes himself to his feet. "Yeah, but you love it. Admit it." It takes a second but he finds his bearings and nods at Danny to lead the way.

When Danny looks back at him, Steve doesn't know why Danny's paused but the look of uncertainty on his face does make him wonder, although he thinks it's about Eliot not coming back to the house. He gives Danny what he hopes is a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, we'll convince him."

Following Danny to his office, Steve hangs back a little. He wants to be close to Danny, has that need to be close, but he wants to give them space too.

From:

a_very_distinctive

Eliot's not sure if he wishes the damn building were properly sound-proofed or not as he sits there listening to Danny and Steve argue. To Danny making it so very abundantly clear that he's out of the blue--as far as Eliot's concerned, anyway, and probably Steve too--that he wants his partner. That this isn't a romantic relationship and a friendship, that it's some kind of triangle he wants to try and navigate. And there's no way in hell that ends any way but with Eliot the odd man out, an awkward afterthought until he just becomes an even more awkward inconvenience. And much as he'd been prepared for this to be short-lived, to ride it out for as long as it lasts and then make his peace with walking away when it implodes, he hadn't expected it to go to hell quite so fast. And definitely not in this particular fashion.

He's too god damned wound up and strung out at this point to be safe walking out the door, though. All his senses keyed up to the point where the world's becoming just a confusing buzz of painful over-stimulation. And the only thing keeping him from losing it entirely is Danny's voice through the wall, the scent of Danny that permeates this room, even as the overlay of Steve's voice and scent and distress continues to wind him up. The actual words have faded to a meaningless buzz somewhere along the line, it's just worry and pain and want he's registering.

He can't leave, but he can't stay, and he finds himself pacing restlessly, hands flexing uselessly at his sides as he tries to find some modicum of focus. Some ability to rationally work his way through the situation and his options. It's not working, though, his heart is racing and his breathing's becoming labored, and he knows at this point that he should make himself hyper-focus on Danny, that he should push himself to zone rather than letting this build any further and risk going feral again. The problem is he doesn't feel safe here, doesn't feel like he can risk being that helpless, and a lifetime of habit, of the very particular kind of paranoia and back-handed control that's kept him alive, is pushing him towards breaking instead. Towards a reaction that keeps him from being completely helpless and vulnerable, and keeps what he is from being discovered.

There's a reason he has a reputation for having a short fuse, for being violent and unpredictable. There's a reason he's not safe. He shoves his fist in his mouth and bites down hard to keep himself quiet, to use the pain to focus. To try and find some kind of rationality and balance... he hasn't gotten even close when he realizes that Steve's voice has picked up again and there's movement in the other office. That they're coming back this way and he's lost his chance to escape before he blows everything completely to hell.

His head snaps up at his name in Danny's voice, eyes squinted half-shut and pupils contracted down to pinpricks against the barrage of visual over-stimulation as he makes himself look past Danny to Steve hovering behind him. "You need t'tell him," he rasps, heart hammering and hands still flexing restlessly into white knuckled fists. "About the, uh... about the thing. I'll have Hardison... I'll have him forward you-" He stops, eyes squeezing farther shut and head twisting to the side and tipping oddly as he tries to find the words he needs. "The stuff... the information for... for the thing. For-" He waves his hand vaguely and shakes his head, scowling in frustration. He hates this he hates this he hates this. Hates not being in control, hates being seen to not be in control, and he starts, more than half-blind, to stalk towards where he remembers the door being.

From:

dann_0

Danny blinks the moment he steps inside and sees Eliot there. Damn, fuck. Eliot too? How long had be been like that? Suddenly he feels guilty for lingering with Steve rather than checking on Eliot faster. He moves to close the distance between them, knowing he has to pull Eliot out of this. He doesn't want him to have to go through what Steve just went through. He doesn't want either of them to have to go through that ever again.

He moves to wrap his arms around Eliot and hold him, pressing his face against Eliot's neck. He gives his a warm kiss to it before he whispers. "I got you. You're safe here. Nobody is going to hurt you. Close your eyes and breathe for me. Please?"

From:

a_very_distinctive

Eliot starts to sidestep Danny as he approaches. Starts to, but can't make himself, and instead finds himself leaning into the contact with a shudder, curling his hands into the back of Danny's t-shirt and turning his face to press his nose into Danny's hair. Steve's scent is a heavy overlay, but what matters that underneath it Danny's scent is still strong and solid, even if it's laced with worry and distress.

"'Course no one's gonna hurt me," he makes himself mutter. "Not a fuckin' damsel." It doesn't stop him from pressing his lips to Danny's temple, though, or sliding a hand down until he can push Danny's shirt out of the way and lay his palm against the small of Danny's back. Or slowly syncing his breathing to Danny's, almost without conscious intent.

From:

dann_0

Danny chuckles a little, warm affection obvious in it. "Of course you're not. You're the fucking hero." He lets his hand stroke Eliot's back. Trying to draw him out of the zone. "Still you're safe here. I got you. Steve's watching your back. We got you." He kisses Eliot's neck again. "You're doing good, really good. We're going home, all three of us and we'll relax alright. Safe and sound and nothing to worry about. If you want to, of course."

From:

a_very_distinctive

"Pfft. Not anyone's hero." No matter how much he's turned his life around or how much good he's done in the last five years, he'll still never believe that. Even if it had been what he'd wanted most when he'd joined up at eighteen. That ship sailed almost twenty years ago, when black ops got their claws in him.

"Don't need you t'keep me safe," he adds in a murmur, nuzzling in to Danny's temple. "Need you t'keep everyone else safe from me." Because Danny probably doesn't have the frame of reference to realize he's not zoning, not withdrawing helplessly into the misery inside in his own head, he's trying desperately not to fly into a blind, agonizing rage.

From:

dann_0

Danny disagrees with that. They are his heroes, both of them and they can't see it. But he knows better than to argue, so he doesn't. Instead, he leans his head on Eliot's shoulder.

"Then I'll do that. I won't let you fall or shatter. And if I fail... Steve got it. We got your back, Eliot. I promise. We'll help you, together. You think you want that?"

From:

super_seal

Coming up behind Danny, Steve can see Eliot in the office. The pacing and hand clenching, not able to get all his words out, the feel of an animal about to be let loose... He knows exactly what's going on and for that reason, he hangs back just a little bit more in order not to make things worse. Steve's only gone feral a couple of times, himself, but he was educated on the signs - both inwardly and outwardly.

He doesn't bother to warn or stop Danny because he honestly doesn't believe there is a threat to Danny. One of the reasons a sentinel will go into distress is separation from his/her guide. While Steve's not certain that's the reason here or not, it could be more the stress of the situation as a whole or several other things, but generally it's known that a guide, especially the guide of the sentinel can tame the beast and bring it out of that state. Steve expects Eliot will defend Danny against him before he hurts Danny at all. Another reason to keep back for now - no matter how much he feels the need to be as close to Danny as possible.

At hearing that Eliot needs Danny to keep everyone safe from him, Steve stretches his still fragile senses to focus in on both Eliot and Danny's heartbeat and breathing. If he needs to, he'll intervene, but unless it's required, he'll let Danny take care of things. It's reassuring to hear Eliot is starting to settle, even if it's only a bit. Leaning up against the wall outside Danny's office, Steve focuses on his hearing and listens to what's transpiring in the other room.

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dann_0 - Danny, Steve and Eliot. In the office. Ironing things out

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