dann_0 | PSL: Sentinel AU

Settling into the driver's seat, he's not really sure what to expect. When Danny calls him 'family', Steve can't stop the full body shudder that passes through him and the awed whisper of the word 'family' that escapes him. Steve hadn't known what it meant to have a family before Danny. It was something he'd seen other people have but his experience had fallen so short that it wasn't even comparable. There was no way he could understand the full impact of having one, and didn't, until Danny had made him part of his. He'd considered Danny and Grace family for a long time, but hearing it acknowledged from the other man hits him hard. It's exactly what he needed to hear.

He shakes his head, he could barely look at Danny, let alone tell him directly he doesn't want him. Steve wants him very badly. Needs him as much as he needs oxygen to breath. At least that's the way it feels. He's let them get too close, he knows that but now that they are he can't outright turn Danny away like that. This had been his best effort at trying to push him away. The truth is though, he never really wanted him to go.

"I love you too." His voice sounds rough and wet, relief is flooding through him and tears are welling in his eyes, even has he fights to keep his composure. The urge to hug Danny is damn near overwhelming but they are in an Indian restaurant's parking lot. He wants, no needs, to get Danny home. To be able to hug and touch... Just to be in the other man's space.

"Home." Is all he says as he starts the car. There's twenty minutes away from the house. Steve thinks he can get them there in fifteen. Ten if he uses the sirens.

For once Danny doesn't complain during the ride. He just watches Steve drive as he clings to the food. He isn't quite sure how to parse what just went on between them, but he knows it was damn significant. Once they are home he exits the car. He can feel the tension coming of Steve and he has a feeling he knows what his partner needs. He heads straight for the door. He has his own keys after all. Once he is inside he puts the food on the table and turns to face Steve.

"Come here." It isn't really a question, instead, he closes the distance between them and pulls the other into a firm hug. "You idiot. Thinking you could get rid of me that easily."

By the time they arrive home, Steve is shaking with emotion. Even on a good day he's not the best one to deal with anything emotional and today is far from his better days. Later he won't remember getting from the restaurant to inside his house, it'll all be a blur with the actual events lost in chaotic emotion.

As he steps through the door, he has just enough sense left to kick it closed behind him as he near collapses into Danny's embrace. "Danny! Danny... I'm sorry. So sorry. I..." His arms wrap tightly around the other man as his head falls onto his shoulder.

He'd reduced his sense of smell back at the airport to as low as he could, just lower than normal, but being this close to Danny there's no way he can't smell. He doesn't currently have the control to keep his senses in line and the hold snaps loose. Suddenly he flooded with more emotion tied to scent - Danny's worry, fear and anxiety, the comfort that comes naturally from his scent, the lingering smell of Eliot and sex, along with all those that naturally cling from the environment - like the plane and holding the food.

Overwhelmed he starts to zone on smell. Still though he clings to Danny. "Don't go," he begs in a whisper. "Please. I don't want you to go."

Danny wraps his arms around him, one hand going up to stroke the back of Steve's hair and he holds him softly. "I got you, I am not going anywhere. Easy now, easy. Breathe with me." He lets his other hand stroke Steve's back, giving him something other to focus on. "There you go, breathe with me." He takes his time, making sure Steve can breathe properly and that he is hearing him and not zoning.

"You want to sit down on the couch? Or maybe lay down for a bit?"

Shivering in Danny's embrace, Steve cuddles in as close as he can. He'd prepared himself not to have this again but just feeling the zone threatening to take him skirting around the edges makes him wonder how he could possibly go without. Focusing on Danny's words and the feel of his hands, Steve's able to regain a small amount of control.

He nods in response to Danny's question but he's not able to let go of the other man quite yet. Both embarrassed and ashamed, this isn't the man he's supposed to be, nor the man he wants to be. Feeling and acting like this is out of character for him and he's not really sure how to deal with it all.

"I'm sorry, Danny. You deserve better."

"Why Steve? You're pretty awesome." Nothing he'd admit normally but this was a special circumstance. He nudges Steve towards the couch without actually pulling back much and drags him down next to him. "Easy now. Just relax. You're home, safe and I'm here." He wraps his arms back around Steve and holds him close, making sure Steve can rest his head on his shoulder.

"I am not going anywhere, I am staying right here. And you're not a bad deal Steve, not at all. You think any other Sentinel would have been as gentle and slow as you are? Letting me learn and not blaming me for fucking up?"

Steve goes easily with Danny to the couch, letting the other man pull and then guide him how he wants him. Steve ducks his head in close, tilted in such a way that he can't see the hickey on Danny's neck. There's no answer to Danny's question of why. It's so many things, too many, and Steve is passed the point of arguing against himself. Instead he focuses on Danny's voice, heartbeat and his breathing.

But then what Danny says makes him pull back so that he can look at Danny's face with a frown on his own. "You've not fucked anything up. I can't ask for a better guide. Neither can Eliot. We're both lucky to have you, Danny. You have no idea," his voice drops, "and I hope you never do."

Danny smiles slightly at him and reaches up to continue stroking Steve's hair. "I have no idea what I am doing. Half the time I am pretty sure I am making things worse, not better."

He continues the stroking. "You could have a guide that wasn't a match for someone else and Eliot could have a guide that is closer to him." But he does nod at the last part. He does hope so himself. Based on everything Steve and Eliot's told him he doubts he wants to meet any other guides.

As Danny strokes through his hair, Steve slowly starts to relax into Danny and his breathing evens out. "No. You... You make things better. Easier. Clearer. Calmer."

His voice is calm, low and even when he starts to speak. Having Danny so close and doing just the right things is clearly helping. "I've always kinda looked at guide and sentinel matches like a man and woman matches. There is no perfect match, just high compatibility. When you meet someone who is compatible, over time you grow together and become even stronger. If it doesn't work out, you can still be compatible with someone else." Closing his eyes he adjusts slightly so Danny's heartbeat is louder without adjusting his sense of hearing. "With a guide and sentinel though, they get so far and then they bond. Once they bond... I hear it's for life." He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slow. "You're compatible with Eliot because you can't connect deeper with me." 'Cause I'm broken and can't bond' isn't said but it's still there, hanging in the air. "If you hadn't of met me, you'd likely be moving to move to Las Vegas with Rachel and Stan. You'd be closer to Eliot."

It's not lost on Steve that he's well aware that he's giving Danny yet another reason to leave him. Even knowing he's considered Danny's family, the worry is still there at the back of his mind. That when Danny realizes how much Steve is holding him back he's going to realize that family doesn't have to be so close and rearrange how things are set up.

"If I hadn't met you, I'd be back in Jersey with Rachel by now. Or following her and Stan all around the country. I wouldn't have met Eliot and I wouldn't have known what I am." He sighs slightly, hating how Steve is arguing against this. "Can't I be compatible with both of you?"

He tightens his grip on Steve, trying with every fiber of his being to tell him he isn't going anywhere. Steve is his Sentinel just as much as Eliot is and maybe he can't bond with Danny but that doesn't change that Danny still considers him his.

Steve pushes his face into Danny's chest. Danny almost leaving to go back to Jersey with Rachel and Grace is bittersweet for him. Because Steve had ended up accused of the Governor's murder Danny had stayed to help him - in doing so wrecking his chance to get back with Rachel, but also keeping him with Steve. Steve hadn't known what was going on at the time and things were different between them now. They were still close back then, best friends, but he didn't have his sentinel abilities when that had happened, although they had come back shortly after. He pushes those thoughts away. What's done is done and in the past.

"You are compatible with both of us, but I've never heard of a three-way relationship with sentinels and guides before. Much like you don't hear of three-way marriages. When the need to bond becomes too strong..." Steve shrugged. The balance that Danny was hoping to maintain would be out of whack. By not bonding, Danny and Eliot would be miserable fighting against nature and their instincts, and if they did Steve would would lose his connection with Danny over time. No matter which way he looked at it, he was in the way. He really wasn't trying to be difficult, just practical and realistic.

Cuddling into the tighter embrace, Steve feels the promise Danny is trying to imprint on him, and he believes that Danny believes that they can do this. Unlike most of the time though, Steve is the one who can't see how he's going to make that happen and his fear of being left behind refuses to stop clawing at him. "I trust you..." Steve bites his lip, the emotional stuff is difficult for him to process and put into words. He squeezes Danny tighter for a moment. "I-I'm sorry if I'm making this harder. I'm just..." 'Terrified. Don't want to be left again.' - Both goes unsaid. "I'm willing to try... Just..." He's going to need Danny to be patient.

Edited 2017-05-28 20:13 (UTC)

"Steve, you do know poly relationships exist right? They might not be married under the law but there are plenty of people who are in committed long-term relationships with more than one person." He smiles softly, still stroking Steve's back. "What I am saying is that just because it isn't common it doesn't mean that people can't make it work. We'll figure out this, all three of us." He is firm in that belief for once. He doesn't typically believe in happy ever after and other such nonsense, Rachel had cured him of that. But this he had to believe for Steve and Eliot.

Steve doesn't need to say the words. Danny can feel them. Thanks to the last year he's gotten better at figuring out where the line between his own emotions and Steves are. "We'll take it slow, we'll talk plenty. Once you're both comfortable, you and Eliot can talk too. Get to know each other, maybe that will help. I am here, I am not leaving you, Steve. I got your back, we're partners, right?"

Turning his head away from Danny, he takes in a long breath, filling his lungs, expanding his back into Danny's caress, and holds it a moment. Perhaps the three-way marriage had been a bad example, it wasn't like they were attempting a three-way relationship. While Danny didn't seem to realize how the dynamics would change, Steve didn't have the first hand experience that they would either. He could only go by what he saw in other guide and sentinel pairings. True that those he'd been matched with moved on, found other pairings and drifted away from him, but none had actually attempted to stay connected either. Maybe it would be different with Danny.

After a moment he slowly releases the breath and molds himself more over Danny. The hardest part for Steve will be his attraction towards Danny and keeping that from becoming a problem. In a way he wishes he never knew of Danny's past attraction towards him. Perhaps it would make things easier, never knowing that things might have been if he'd only been willing to take that risk. But, things weren't that simple. It wasn't just fear of things going wrong and losing Danny all together that prevented Steve from speaking up or trying, it had also been his connection to the Navy. At some point they'd figure out his abilities had returned and when that happened he was going to lose Danny whether they liked it or not.

Which as hard as that was going to be, maybe it was just best for Steve to focus on things that way. Then he, nor Danny, had to be the bad guy in any of this. It would be the Navy that pulled Steve away. At least now Danny will have Eliot for support when that happens. A shiver runs through him at the thought of going back to active duty and leaving the life he has now. Not having Danny in his life regularly. Stretching out the uncomfortable thoughts he rubs his face into Danny's chest again and wills the thoughts from his mind. It's not something he needs to worry about now. He knows it's coming and he'll deal with it when it does. Until then, he's going to enjoy whatever Danny is willing to share with him.

"Maybe." Steve closes his eyes, trying to make himself feel more optimistic than he actually does. "Maybe it will. I'll try to let this go. I promise. I just... I need a bit of time to wrap my head around it all." Things changed unexpectedly too fast on him, he just needed a moment to catch up. That's all this was. Really. He just had to keep telling himself that. "I've got your back too, partner. Whatever you need... However I can help... I'll do what I can." He pulls Danny in, hugging him tighter.

Danny just stays there, ignoring feeling hungry. Right now it isn't what Steve needs from him. "Take the time you need Steve." Eventually, he can't ignore the hunger anymore and he reaches for the food, eating right there in the embrace. He even gives Steve a few bites. Finally, he is struggling to keep his eyes open. "I am going to grab a shower and then we go sleep?"

He smiles at Steve and heads to the shower. He doesn't take long but he makes sure to clean well. Steve had mentioned he smelled of Eliot and he figures Steve might not want to go to bed with that. When he comes out he's wearing fresh pajamas and his pulling a t-shirt down over his chest. But not fast enough to hide that the marks on Danny's neck are only a few of a much larger collection.

When Danny comes out of the bathroom, Steve is already sitting on the bed in just his pajama bottoms. Naturally his eyes move to Danny as he enters the room and they go wide as he sees the marks all over his partner's chest and stomach. At first he's filled with concern but when his eyes move up to look at Danny's he once again see the hickey under his chin and he knows instinctively what all those other welts are from.

He can feel the pull to focus in on one of the marks, the deepest and the darkest he can see but the shock of realization also had him sucking in a breath at the same time and he starts to choke, saving him from the visual zone.

Standing he starts to pace. His fear surging once again and even while he's still coughing to get his breathing under control a low growl can be heard mixed into the noise. He needs a glass of water but he can't make himself go by Danny to get it. That is not 'nothing will change'! And it's not just about him, Gracie is going to see those marks... His fear latches onto his indignation on behalf of Grace. Anger is so much better than fear and he's so very tired of being afraid and emotional.

Finally getting the coughing under control he turns on Danny. "What the hell, Danny?!"

Danny blinks at Steve's reaction. He had not expected that and it takes him a few seconds to realize what set it off. He swallows and pulls the shirt down quickly, blushing. But the growl has him concerned. He debates stepping back, giving Steve the space he needs but when Steve turns on him he is still there.

Anger what not what he had expected at all. He is quiet for a long moment then. "It is not what you think." Well, he isn't sure what Steve is thinking really but he better be on the safe side. "I..." He licks lips.

Steve's eyebrows raise at Danny's response. "It's not?! Then why don't you fill me in on exactly what that is, because it's clear as hell you don't know what I'm thinking!"

Feeling angry is so much more comfortable to Steve than the fear and he allows himself to feel it instead of trying to hide or push it way. There's no threat to Danny, Steve would never hurt him under any circumstance where he has control, and the anger he's feeling is nowhere near out of control. But he's angry and right now feeling justifiable in it.

"I asked for these marks and left my share of them on him as well." Danny's confused by the anger, and irritated by it, he is tired and had hoped they weren't going to have this conversation. At least not right now. "We're adults, we can do exactly what we like as long as we're both consenting. You didn't think he wouldn't leave any marks? You don't on Catherine?"

Danny's response is almost like a smack in the face to Steve and as his angry flares he puts a lid on it to keep it contained. "No, Danny, I don't. And she doesn't leave marks on me." At least not purposely, certainly not like that, but it's clear to Steve that what he's lacking with Catherine, Danny has definitely found with Eliot.

If he was confused about his place before it's become very clear to him now. "You're right, Danny. You're a consenting adult and can do what you want." Turning, Steve looks at the bed. Closing his eyes he fights to contain everything he feels slipping through his fingers, things he had no right to anyway. He's still angry and he's holding on to it. "Don't lie to me, Danny. Don't sit there one minute and tell me nothing is going to change and then expect me not to notice when things clearly have."

Danny blinks again and then he moves closer to Steve, sitting down next to him and moving to wrap an arm around him. "Steve. I.. I didn't mean to lie to you, I didn't know I had. Eliot likes to leave a mark, but that doesn't have to mean things between us has to change. Heck how I feel about you have not changed." If anything he just wanted Steve more now that he knows what he could get here too.

"You're still my partner and sentinel. That has never changed."

That causes Steve to blink at Danny. "When was the last time you wore a shirt to bed, Danny?"

It almost sounds petty when he says it out-loud, but the sleeping arrangement was one of the things he found helped him the most. Nights Danny wasn't near his sleep was disturbed, often filled with restlessness and nightmares. It was a large part of the reason they had ended up in this position to begin with. Steve generally slept better, soundly, when he was curled into Danny, skin against skin and Danny's heartbeat in his ear. Seeing Eliot being functional for so many years away from both the military and a guide has made Steve wonder how much the military has made him reliant on a guide. He has to give the other sentinel a lot of credit, he's not sure he'd function well without a guide long term like that, but then he's never really been without.

It's hard for Steve to stay angry at Danny. Like most times, he finds he really doesn't want to. "I think..." Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I think we're going to need to discuss what I can expect from you, and what I can't. I'm going to need it to be clear. You're right. You're a consenting adult free to do what you want, and I have no right or claim to make any demands... But I need to know where the lines are."

Danny hesitates. Eliot had said he could do what he needed to do, but he had also not been happy with the fact that Steve and Danny sleep in the same bed. He looks away, down at his feet. Was he trying to have too much and end up hurting both of them? He didn't want to hurt them, but isn't that what he's doing right now to Steve.

"He is ... threatened by you." He starts quietly. "I don't want him to be so I told him I'd be wearing clothes to bed." He looks down at his hands, rubbing them together. "I don't want either of you to be threatened by the other but I am not sure what I can do. You both think you're going to lose me to the other, and there is nothing I can do to prove otherwise."

"He's not the only one, Danny." Shooting Danny a look, he needs to move. Stepping out of Danny's embrace he starts to pace. "You can't keep telling us both that we can have it all. You can't give your all to two different people like that. That things aren't going to change with me and then make different arrangements with him. It doesn't work."

The fear is bubbling up under him again, fuck he hates this.

Danny looks at him for a long moment, he wants to answer, wants to step close and soothe those fears. Instead he shakes his head. "Alright, you're right, it's not fair. Things are going to change. I'll be going to see him for one. When I have time. And I am not going to be as ... well shirtless with you as I was before. But I'll still be here, I'll still sleep in your bed if you want me. We'll still cuddle. And we'll still be partners." He hopes. Oh god does he hope Steve still wants him around.

Steve nods and sticks his hands under his arms. The truth stings but no where near as much as being told things weren't changing when he knew they were. "Thank you."

The pacing comes to stop on the far side of the room, his back is to Danny and he drops his head. He needs time to wrap his head around all this. The changes he wasn't expecting but should have been. The new way of life. In front of him to the side is a chair with a T-shirt draped over it. It's his shirt, but Danny wears it when he's around and Steve's been sleeping with it since Danny has been gone. It still smells of him. Grabbing it he slips it on and turns towards the bedroom door.

"Sleep here. I'm gonna... I need a bit of space." He nods. Space. That's exactly what he needs. The hammock outside is where he's thinking. "Right now... Just for... I need to... Adjust. We'll talk more tomorrow?" He nods and takes another step. "Alright? You sleep here tonight and we'll talk more tomorrow?"

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport