dann_0 | PSL: Sentinel AU

Steve nods. That sums up his whole life it seems - complicated. If he'd been given a choice he never would have become a Sentinel, his life would have been less complicated he thinks. If his mother hadn't of died or if his father hadn't sent him away maybe he never would have been. All of those things however were outside of his control.

This feels outside of his control as well. He's trying to make the best decisions possible for Danny but in doing so they seem to be the worst for him, but then his life is complicated and this isn't about him. He never should have put Danny in this spot to begin with. Catherine could find out at anytime, and when she did - not if, she'd yank Steve back into active duty so fast his head would spin.

He can feel Danny's hurt and he can't look at his friend, instead staying focused outside the window. It hurts now, but it's better this way, he has to believe that. There's no doubt in his mind that Danny and Eliot will end up bonding, belief reinforced from the way Danny has spoken of the other man, and the smell he got off of Danny when he arrived. They are compatible. No matter what Danny wants to believe, three in that mix isn't going to work. Besides, he has the military to consider. He's not a free agent and all he's been doing is putting Danny in unnecessary risk. Watching the people outside the window he wonders what it would be like to be them, if it would be easier. When the light changes he focuses ahead again and clears his throat. "I've taken advantage of things, Danny, and I shouldn't have been. I'm sorry. This... This is better. You have Eliot and I will do whatever I can to support you in that. Us snuggling doesn't do that."

Edited 2017-05-21 20:41 (UTC)

Danny just stares at him for a long moment. Then he shakes his head. "Steve, that is insane. You've been taking advantage of me? Do I need to remind you who it was that suggested I'd sleep in your bed? You think I am going to give you up because of Eliot? Heck no. You're my sentinel too." He isn't sure how he is going to keep both of them happy at once but he damn well is going to figure that out.

"Seriously? You think that is it? I find someone else I click with and I am just going to toss you to the curb? How long have you known me? You're my best friend, my partner, and my Sentinel. I am not going to give that up. If you want to change how this works and how much time we spend together because you want something else then that is fine, but don't tell me you're doing it for me. I'm an adult, I make my own choices."

"I'm the experienced one here, Danny. I should have known better but I was too focused on the short-term. I did think..." Steve snaps his jaw shut and clenches his teeth, his knuckles on the steering wheel going white. "We've both gotten too attached!" He had become too attached. He needed Danny now, craved for his company when he wasn't around and was better, so much better, when Danny was near. "Catherine is going to figure out that I have my abilities back and I'll be going back to active duty. It's only a matter of time." He wasn't sure how he was going to manage that loss, especially while pretending it wasn't there. If Catherine found out about Danny... That didn't even bear thinking about.

"Besides, you have no idea how you smell. We aren't bonded or in that kind of a relationship and I..." His voice cuts off, he had to keep this about them, not himself. "For Eliot that will be so much worse. Having another non-familial scent all over you, let alone another sentinel, will be enough to drive him feral. We're possessive by nature, Danny. Sentinels don't share their mates with others, especially other sentinels."

Danny had hit too close to the head of the underlying fear that was fueling his decisions and actions. That fear flashes in his eyes and he quickly turns his head and attempts to swallow it down. He's not ready to address it though so he lashes out slightly off topic. "You think that's going to matter when your instincts fully kick in? You have a fully functioning sentinel now Danny, one who you've already committed to on some levels. Was that a choice you made or did the lust and want drive your actions before you fully knew what was happening? He is going to want to bond if he doesn't already. You are going to want to bond." Steve assumed they hadn't encountered that because he simply wasn't capable of it, now that Danny was intimately involved with one who could... Steve didn't see how he could resist. From his experience it wasn't expected that many did.

"Is it easier to handle her when I am not around?" He frowns. Danny had always had the impression that having him around helped Steve be calm when Catherine was there. "Eliot knows. He knows we sleep together, he knows I will smell of you. Heck, you don't think he smelled it on Monday? He knows what he is getting into. I am not going to let him go feral."

He frowns at Steve's words. It actually hurts that Steve thinks he will leave him. Hasn't he proven his loyalty by now? Shown Steve he can be trusted. "I have a fully functional Sentinel already, I always have had. There is nothing wrong with you, Steve, and fuck them for telling you otherwise. And I don't want to bond with anyone if that means I can't still be your guide. I am your guide first and foremost. I have promised you that a million times. Trust me, Steve. Trust me to have your back. You ask that of me every single day. Let me show you that it isn't a one-way street."

"What? No!" Danny's right, he keeps Steve on an even keel. It's much easier for him to deal with Catherine with Danny nearby. For him to keep his senses in check so she doesn't pick up on anything and then to help him reset after she's gone so he doesn't zone. One mistake though... One error and if she gets suspicious he'll be back in for testing. "That was before wasn't it? Before you guys hooked up?" When it was just Danny helping them both he could see but for Danny to be in a relationship with Eliot... The confusion shows on his face. "He's alright with this? Now that you are... together?"

How can Danny say he's functional?! His anger spikes. "I can't bond, Danny! Sentinels are supposed to bond with their guides. It gives them a better connection. Makes them both stronger. It's what's supposed to happen. Natural. Instinctual. Being intimate with Eliot, you're going to feel that if you're not already. You're going to feel the pull and notice the difference. I'm told it's an incredible feeling... Even by the sentinels and guides who have tried to resist." He shakes his head frustrated. "And I'm not telling you not to. Guides are meant to be paired, Danny. It's not fair to ask a guide to stay when they have a potential to bond with someone else. To be completed and whole." If Danny listens closely he might be able to notice where Steve is quoting or paraphrasing others. "Don't you think I've been through this before?"

Steve's voice drops and he sniffs back the emotion that pressing to get out as he looks out the drivers window again. "I do trust you Danny. I have no doubt that you have the best intentions here." That's what makes this so hard, he doesn't think that Danny will ever chose not to have his back, but Steve doesn't believe he's going to have a choice.

Danny shakes his head. "We talked about it. He knows I sleep in your bed and that I plan on continuing doing that. He knows we're close physically and if he minds he hasn't said so. We're not.. I don't know if we're together or not. But he knows about you and he knows that I am not giving you up." He wasn't going to. His plan is to figure out a way to make them both happy, to be what they both need. "I think the distance and the fact that I can't be there all the time is more of an issue than you are." He takes a breath and looks over at Steve, he can feel the worry and the emotions, even without the connection between them he would have been able to read Steve well enough for that.

"So what if he is a good match. I made a promise to you, Steve. I am your guide." He looks out the window, muttering to himself. "Besides, I won't be whole if you're not part of it."

If Eliot's experience is near Steve's than he may be banking on him not needing to be a concern if nature takes its course. Eliot doesn't need to push Steve away, or be worried about his involvement, if Danny bonds with him. The bond will take care of that on its own.

Hearing his muttered words, Steve turns to look at Danny. He can feel and see the misery there, the misery he's causing. That in itself hurts him in return. He's not supposed to be a source of pain, it's his job to protect Danny from that, not cause more but he doesn't see a painless solution out of this.

"I'm sorry this is so complicated, Danny, I..." His words trail off as he looks back to the road. Steve had many arguments against why Danny should back off him and focus on Eliot. None of them he likes - they all argue against what he truly wants. But there is no scenario he can see where he is not destined to be alone in the end. The longer he lets this go on, the harder it was going to be - for both of them. He'd already let it go on for too long. What Steve wanted had never been a consideration before, why should it be now?

He has to try again even if his resolve is starting to crack. "If... When, I get recalled back to active duty you're going to be without me. I can't take you with me there. You'll loose too much if they find out about you. Grace..." He doesn't need to say it, they've talked about those risks before. "Isn't it better to give you the best chance at having something you can have long-term? Something not broken and complicated?" As far as he could see, Steve was just holding Danny back, preventing him from having what he should.

He gives a bitter laugh at Steve's words. "Because I am not broken and complicated? I fucked up with Rachel and now I am stuck following her and Stan around the world. I have to pray nobody finds out what I am so they won't come after my daughter. I spent the last year sleeping in your bed and I still haven't figured out how to tell you I need you in my life. I found not one, but two Sentinels I feel the same way about and there is no way I can be with both of them as much as they need. I have no idea how to help you and Eliot or for that matter if I am only making it worse and there is nobody I can ask. So yeah, Steven, this might be complicated, but that just seems to fit me just right."

Danny takes a deep breath, frowning as he figures out how to get the point across. "The risk of the military finding out is the same as it was a week ago. It's the same as it was on Sunday when you said me trying to help Eliot was fine. I know what I have with you, and it might not be long term but it is what I want. You're my sentinel, just like he is. You have just as much say about this as he does. The two of you are in charge of this and if one of you are uncomfortable with something we change that thing."

Normally Danny ranting is something Steve enjoys. This time just makes him feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Danny. I truly am."

The restaurant is up ahead and Steve turns his focus there, pulling into the parking lot and stopping the car in an empty slot. Biting on his lower lip a moment, he's lost his appetite and really doesn't want food anymore, even though he knows they both should eat something. Letting out a sigh he shifts in his seat towards Danny's direction. "Did you still want to get something?"

Danny turns and looks at Steve and his heart breaks a little. This isn't something he is used to from his partner. He reaches out to take Steve's hand and wrap his own around it. He wasn't really hungry either but he hasn't eaten since he left Eliot and he isn't sure about Steve.

"I know, babe. I am sorry I hurt you. I just don't want to lose you." He gives the hand a firm squeeze. "I'll go grab something, any requests?" That way he could also call Eliot and let him know he's landed.

Squeezing Danny's hand in return, at first Steve is confused why Danny wants to go alone but he quickly realizes. "No. I'll go. You can call him without being interrupted. You still want korma and naan? Anything else I can get you?" Steve planned to grab a couple of different dishes and then they could share like they usually did. Especially since he expected most of it to end up as leftovers.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Um... Garlic naan? And a mango lassi?" Danny smiles but before he lets Steve's hand go there is one thing he needs to be sure of. "You'll be alright in there with people and sounds?" Steve's already a little off balance and the last thing Danny wants right now is for him to zone.

"If anything happens, let me know and I'll help you." he reaches for his phone and starts to dial Eliot's number

Steve nods at Danny's request, and then again at Danny's concern. There's no doubt he's feeling off balance but he needs some distraction. Sitting in the car will likely have him zoning, getting out and moving around a bit with a purpose hopefully will help. "I'll be fine." With a pause he smiles and shrugs. "If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, maybe come check."

Opening his door, he gets out of the car, but then leans back down so he can see Danny. "Everyone leaves, Danny. I know that's not your intention but with my situation and now yours with Eliot, I don't see it being a choice either of us is going to be able to make. One way or another that's just the end result. That's not your fault or something you can do anything about. And I certainly don't blame you. I just want you to be happy."

He doesn't wait Danny to reply before straightening and closing the door. That wasn't likely fair and he'd seen Danny had already started to dial Eliot so he knows Danny won't be able to come after him. He doesn't want him to, not here, not right now.

Even though he doesn't fully realize it, he needs Danny to understand where he's coming from, why he's pushing the way that he is. While he's no longer as convinced as he was before Danny landed that this was the right way to go, he still clinging to this being the best thing. All the while all he wants to do is cling to Danny and have the other man assure him that it's not.

Fourteen and a half minutes later, Steve comes back out of the restaurant with bags of food in hand. He looks through the windshield to see if Danny is still on the phone. Technically he could increasing his hearing to see, but Danny deserves his privacy.

The phone call had been quick, Eliot had been able to hear something was off and Danny had simply told him there was an argument. Now he is sitting in the passenger seat and fiddling with his phone, not really looking at it. When Steve comes into view his head snaps up and he looks after him. He waits until Steve's inside the car before he speaks.

"I am not going to leave you, you idiot. Even if it weren't for all this Sentinel shit I would not leave you. You're my partner and my best friend and my family. And you're still that even if I've found a guy I am into. You are part of what makes me happy. I know you're trying to avoid being hurt but the only way I am going to leave you is if you honestly tell me you don't want me anymore. Instincts or no, you're still my friend and my partner. I love you and I need you to trust me."

Settling into the driver's seat, he's not really sure what to expect. When Danny calls him 'family', Steve can't stop the full body shudder that passes through him and the awed whisper of the word 'family' that escapes him. Steve hadn't known what it meant to have a family before Danny. It was something he'd seen other people have but his experience had fallen so short that it wasn't even comparable. There was no way he could understand the full impact of having one, and didn't, until Danny had made him part of his. He'd considered Danny and Grace family for a long time, but hearing it acknowledged from the other man hits him hard. It's exactly what he needed to hear.

He shakes his head, he could barely look at Danny, let alone tell him directly he doesn't want him. Steve wants him very badly. Needs him as much as he needs oxygen to breath. At least that's the way it feels. He's let them get too close, he knows that but now that they are he can't outright turn Danny away like that. This had been his best effort at trying to push him away. The truth is though, he never really wanted him to go.

"I love you too." His voice sounds rough and wet, relief is flooding through him and tears are welling in his eyes, even has he fights to keep his composure. The urge to hug Danny is damn near overwhelming but they are in an Indian restaurant's parking lot. He wants, no needs, to get Danny home. To be able to hug and touch... Just to be in the other man's space.

"Home." Is all he says as he starts the car. There's twenty minutes away from the house. Steve thinks he can get them there in fifteen. Ten if he uses the sirens.

For once Danny doesn't complain during the ride. He just watches Steve drive as he clings to the food. He isn't quite sure how to parse what just went on between them, but he knows it was damn significant. Once they are home he exits the car. He can feel the tension coming of Steve and he has a feeling he knows what his partner needs. He heads straight for the door. He has his own keys after all. Once he is inside he puts the food on the table and turns to face Steve.

"Come here." It isn't really a question, instead, he closes the distance between them and pulls the other into a firm hug. "You idiot. Thinking you could get rid of me that easily."

By the time they arrive home, Steve is shaking with emotion. Even on a good day he's not the best one to deal with anything emotional and today is far from his better days. Later he won't remember getting from the restaurant to inside his house, it'll all be a blur with the actual events lost in chaotic emotion.

As he steps through the door, he has just enough sense left to kick it closed behind him as he near collapses into Danny's embrace. "Danny! Danny... I'm sorry. So sorry. I..." His arms wrap tightly around the other man as his head falls onto his shoulder.

He'd reduced his sense of smell back at the airport to as low as he could, just lower than normal, but being this close to Danny there's no way he can't smell. He doesn't currently have the control to keep his senses in line and the hold snaps loose. Suddenly he flooded with more emotion tied to scent - Danny's worry, fear and anxiety, the comfort that comes naturally from his scent, the lingering smell of Eliot and sex, along with all those that naturally cling from the environment - like the plane and holding the food.

Overwhelmed he starts to zone on smell. Still though he clings to Danny. "Don't go," he begs in a whisper. "Please. I don't want you to go."

Danny wraps his arms around him, one hand going up to stroke the back of Steve's hair and he holds him softly. "I got you, I am not going anywhere. Easy now, easy. Breathe with me." He lets his other hand stroke Steve's back, giving him something other to focus on. "There you go, breathe with me." He takes his time, making sure Steve can breathe properly and that he is hearing him and not zoning.

"You want to sit down on the couch? Or maybe lay down for a bit?"

Shivering in Danny's embrace, Steve cuddles in as close as he can. He'd prepared himself not to have this again but just feeling the zone threatening to take him skirting around the edges makes him wonder how he could possibly go without. Focusing on Danny's words and the feel of his hands, Steve's able to regain a small amount of control.

He nods in response to Danny's question but he's not able to let go of the other man quite yet. Both embarrassed and ashamed, this isn't the man he's supposed to be, nor the man he wants to be. Feeling and acting like this is out of character for him and he's not really sure how to deal with it all.

"I'm sorry, Danny. You deserve better."

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

dann_0 - 2017-05-25 18:40 (UTC) - Expand

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

Re: Picking Danny up at the Airport

Picking Danny up at the Airport

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Picking Danny up at the Airport

Danny Call to Eliot

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Re: Danny Call to Eliot

Danny Call to Eliot

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Danny Call to Eliot