dann_0 | PSL: Sentinel AU

Eliot looks up at mention of the potential danger of other sentinels, his eyes shadowed and his expression tight. "Not anymore," he admits, even though he probably shouldn't, because it tells McGarrett a hell of a lot that it's not necessarily safe--for Eliot--for him to know. About what he's done, what he's been. "Not for a good while now."

He scrubs a hand through his hair and frowns at the other man, confusion obvious under the still vibrating tension of him. "What the hell're you talking 'bout, man?" he finally asks, even as he picks up the business card and eyes it. What's in my court? How what works?" He's definitely lost the plot, but then he's still on edge enough that his mental processing... well, it could be better after the last few days.

Hearing the ring of truth, Steve gives a single respectful nod at Eliot telling him. It couldn't have been easy to pull himself out of that state and especially not without the help of a guide, and it doesn't sound like he's had one in a very long time. Chances are he's never had a good one. Steve hadn't until Danny. Never even knew that what Danny could provide was possible.

"Danny offered to help... Didn't he?" He told Steve that he did but it's possible Steve misunderstood. "I don't know what Danny does, how it works. I had been told that there was one true guide for each sentinel, but with the amount of guides they tossed at me I never really believed it. And from what Danny says, the two of you are a good match. Then again, it could just be that Danny was never corrupted..." Steve shrugs, it doesn't really matter as far as he's concerned. It's all speculative. "If you want what he's offering, we'll figure it out."

Eliot goes absolutely, breathlessly still as what McGarrett appears to be offering, because... he can't be, can he? That's not how this works, not any way he's ever heard it, anyhow.

When he finally moves it's to curl one arm over his mid-section, opposite elbow propped on the back of his wrist as he lifts his hand to cover his face. Because there's no way. The guy's offering exactly what he wants and he can't wrap his head around how. And even if he could... there's no way he can have it. "Even if-" His voice breaks a little and he pauses, then starts again, face still hidden behind both his hand and disheveled hair. "Even if you're, christ, if you're willing t'do that-" And there's no way Steve can't smell the desperation rolling off him, the grief and exhaustion and pain at the thought of what he's being offered, how fucking badly he wants it--needs it--and how he can't have it. "He's goin' back to Hawaii, an' I can't leave here." And even if he could... even for the prospect of what Danny might be offering, there's no way he's willing to move someplace as swarming with military as Honolulu.

There's no denying that Steve can smell the emotions rolling off of Eliot but he's not the type to acknowledge it. He doubts the other man would want him to anyway.

"I didn't say it would be easy. Danny has a daughter. She comes first. It's why he's moved to Hawaii to begin with and he won't leave her for anyone or anything. That doesn't mean we can't figure something out though." He shrugged because this really was new territory for him and he had no idea how this could work. What he does know is that he wants to help Eliot. Another sentinel away from the military, fighting to keep it together... There's no way he can just walk away now.

"Something has got to be better than nothing. You've done well on your own, but maybe he can help take the edges off even if he's not always around. Maybe show Parker and Hardison some things to help. Danny goes back to Jersey to see family at times or when he helps out other departments like now, the other two members of our team help keep me grounded without him. We also utilize a few other tricks that help."

It sounds silly but hearing Danny's voice or seeing him in a chat, smelling clothes he's worn and a few other things he can tell Eliot about that Danny doesn't know he does can help the rough patches. Make things easier. It wouldn't be perfect or possibly even ideal but... hell it has to be better than how it is now.

He knows about the kid, and the ex-wife. He knows that Danny is absolutely going back to Hawaii, and he knows that he can't leave Parker or Hardison or the pub. This is the first time in... hell, it's the first time ever that he's had a life, had a family, and there's no way he can walk away from it. But he wants. Christ, he wants so damn much he can hardly breathe for it, and he huffs a broken laugh.

"Fuck man, I've been hangin' by a damn thread for years," he admits hoarsely. "Barely clawed my way outa being a feral headcase." And he's been clinging to his sanity, his humanity, tooth and claw ever since. "Havin' them, it helps, but-" He shakes his head. "I never wanted them t'know." They know some of the things he's done, and can probably guess at a lot of the rest, but they've thought it was the bad choices of a man, not of an actual monster. He's still waiting to see the fear there now that they know what he actually is, and how precarious his grasp on his control actually can be. It hasn't happened so far.

"How can you be so damn easy 'bout this with your bondmate?" he asks, finally looking directly at Steve, brows furrowed and everything about him still telegraphing tension and confusion, with a vague, barely perceptible sheen of hope showing through.

They are a lot alike he realizes. Steve never thought he'd ever have a family but once he found them he tried to hide what he was as well for as long as possible. That changed not long after Danny found out. Said Chin and Kono would want to understand and to help, that they wouldn't judge. He'd been right and once they knew it became easier not having to carry that secret alone.

When Eliot mentions about bondmates at first Steve is surprised. He hadn't realized Eliot thought that and it makes him wonder what Danny said in that regard. Shifting his eyes down and away he shakes his head. "Nah, we're not bonded."

The topic itself is a sensitive one for Steve. He's lost count at the amount of failed bonds the military attempted. They'd even tried drugs designed to force the bond with no success. In the end they'd blamed him. Told him he wasn't able to complete the connection. Not that they didn't continue to try from time to time.

"I'd say it's complicated but you likely already understand. The information I have on bonding isn't... flattering or attractive. And when I get over-protective, Danny is pretty quick to remind me that he's made it this far in life and being a cop without me that I need to stand down. He can take care of himself." Now he just calls him a Neanderthal and the message is received.

It does cross his mind that Eliot could bond with Danny and that potentially could leave him without but it's a risk he's got no option in taking. Danny is his own person and will do what he thinks is best no matter what anyone else says. It's part of what Steve loves about the other man.

Steve's answer clearly confuses him more, and he nearly blurts out something about having listened to their conversation--which is not something he'd generally ever be at risk of doing. But he's so damn wrong-footed and off balance here that he feels a bit like the world's tipping around him.

"No, I... what I learned in the military, it's... yeah." He shakes his head and suppresses a shudder at thinking back that far. To the kid they'd meant to be his bondmate, pushed into the field too soon and too unready for the kind of filthy, terrifying work their unit did, because they'd been such a good potential match. "But it's... I've learned more. Since then. That it doesn't have t'be... it's not always as bad as it was back there." He hasn't met any of their kind in person, not who's lived, but the internet is an amazing resource when no one's specifically watching you and you know how to cover your tracks. And no matter how much he's played up being a technophobe to Hardison, he's always known that.

"But okay, good... that you're not-" He shakes his head, hating how off balance he is over all of this, and presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose again in an effort to relieve the throbbing in his head at least a little. "Thanks. What I mean, is thanks. For the offer."

"No?" He thinks back to some of the teams he's encountered in his career and to some of the guides they tried to pair him with. Danny is no where like them, not even close, but how subservient the sentinels were in those bonded pairs... How much control they gave up to their guide. They had always seemed more like a well trained dog than another human to Steve. As much as his instinct had him responding to the guides, Steve had maintained his own will, often disobeying them or doing what he deemed necessary regardless of what they'd said. Part of him had always wondered though how much of that was the bond and how much was the type of training they went through.

"Those of us who made it out and are functioning should stick together and help each other out as far as I'm concerned." Really though, this was all Danny. Steve would support his decision no matter what it had been, that he happens to agree that they should help Eliot if they could just made things easier.

"I'm not giving him up you understand." Steve gives him an easy smile and a shrug. "But Danny's got a big enough personality for the both of us if we can figure out how to work together." He'd never heard of two sentinels sharing a guide before, usually they were dedicated to each other while working together, but he figured if they were all in agreement with the will to work together they could figure it out.

"No," he confirms. "Not always, anyhow." Because he remembers what that had been like... and that the draw of the kid they'd wanted to bond him with had been strong enough it probably would have actually worked, turned him into nothing more than an attack dog on a leash, if things hadn't gone to shit and gotten almost everyone he knew blown to hell or dead screaming for their mamas in a foreign prison.

"Yeah, well, just... remember that not all of us who made it out made it far enough out," he advises. Because of the Sentinels and Guides he's killed over the years, and there have been... a not insignificant number, some definitely hadn't been what he'd call functional, and the rest hadn't been what he'd really consider out. They might not be working for the military, they might even have a little more freedom, but they were still doing the same things in the same ways with the same lack of accountability, just passing themselves off as being exceptional norms... or flat out whoring themselves out to the highest bidder to be kept as glorified slaves for a better paycheck than the military had offered.

Eliot snorts and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, kinda didn't figure you were, man." And Eliot knows better just from what he's read in the guy's file so far to even think about trying to lure him away, for any number of reasons. "Like you said, it's gotta be better'n nothing, right?" Because no matter how brutal and demeaning and outright abusive the military had been, a huge chunk of the last fifteen odd years had been even worse in their way, going it alone and he knows that, even now, he's still teetering on the edge of losing it more often than not.

"Huh." Steve thinks on that a moment, but can't really picture it with what he knows and how he currently feels. There are times, even with them not bonded, that Steve gets fixated and high off of Danny. Willing to do anything the man even just suggests to make him happy. They've learned that intense scent does it for Steve and only use it when it's absolutely necessary, but how much more intense would it all be if he was bonded? Would he be willing to pull away to maintain his own identity and self? Either way, he can't be bonded so it doesn't really matter. "I'll take your word on that."

With a knowing grin, Steve smirks at Eliot. "Which is why I had to come to see for myself." And ultimately he's happy that he did. Meeting Eliot and his friends has put his mind somewhat at ease. That he was able to straighten things out for Eliot as well, let him know that accepting Danny's offer wasn't stepping on any toes he thought made it worthwhile as well. If what Danny wanted was going to work, Eliot and him needed to respect each other and get along as well. "It's your call what you want to do." The smile Steve offers him once again turns inwardly fond and amused. "But a nickel's worth of advice, talk to him, don't stalk... Unless you like to be ranted at and called an idiot." It might be clear that Steve does enjoy that.

"Nah, don't." He doesn't have the personal experience, after all, just second hand gleaned from men and women hiding just as deeply as him, and he only half believes it. "Guess you can't really look for yourself, but... not the kinda thing to take someone at their word." Even if he gets that Steve meant it as a brushoff.

"Yeah, I get it," he concedes, even if he'd started with his hackles up and isn't completely soothed even now. "Would'a done the same thing." Probably would have done worse, honestly. He's seen precious few reasons to trust their kind... well, ever. Too easy to manipulate, to likely to lose their shit and take everything and everyone around them down with them. It's not worth it, but... something about Danny had made it impossible to cut and run, or to take him out. And Steve, well, Eliot's not ready to put his life in the man's hands or some shit like that--even if he has already, by letting him walk away knowing what he is and where to find him--but they both have enough to lose here that betrayal doesn't feel like something he needs to worry too much about.

"I'll... give it some thought. Get back to him about it." Which is not a promise not to stalk him, the guy's in his city working with the cops and the case is pretty nasty. He's not going to not make sure it doesn't go to shit on him.

No Steve can't look for himself without being flagged. It's possible that Chin could set him up with a private internet connection but it's not worth raising suspicion should anything seem off. Right now his main priority to appear as normal as possible. He gives Eliot an amused look. He'd meant he'd take his word for it that it was out there but nothing beyond that. If Eliot misunderstood though he wasn't going to correct him.

Steve appreciates Eliot admitting he would have done the same thing. Mostly because it represents that the other man is willing to work with him. They're going to need that - the willingness and ability to see the others point of view. Steve too. He can understand Eliot's need to follow and protect Danny. That's a huge part of what brought him here this weekend as well. The trust beyond necessity isn't there yet, but this step gives him hope that it will be there one day.

"Well, you know how to reach him." Not that Steve didn't think he knew how to before as well. "If there's anything I can do..." Steve shrugs as nothing comes to mind but he has to put the offer out there just the same. "I'm going to be with him most of the weekend. I fly back out Sunday night." Now that he has Eliot's heartbeat and scent Steve will be on alert for him should the other man chose to keep up his surveillance while he's here, but he's rather hoping he doesn't. "You feel the need to keep eyes on him, I'd rather you just came over and joined us."

"Yeah, I do. And thanks. Again. It's-" He shakes his head. He's still not sure how or if this thing Steve is proposing can work, and much as he wants after even that short encounter with Danny he's not sure he's prepared to put himself in a position to be that vulnerable and dependent again after over fifteen years on his own... even if a lot of those fifteen years have been varying flavors of hell while he tries to keep his own brain from frying him.

"It's a lot to consider. Think I'll take a pass on, uh, joinin' you, though." He doesn't know that he's up to seeing that dynamic in action just yet. He's noticeably not promising not to keep an eye on Danny despite Steve's presence, though he's well aware how hard it will be to go undetected now that the other man has his scent and heartbeat committed to memory.

Steve nods. "Yeah, I get it. If Danny and I hadn't of had an established friendship when this happened..." He shrugs, it's not hard for him to put himself in Eliot's shoes to understand what the other man is trying to work through. It's another part of his motivation to make things easier.

Moving towards the door he chuckles. "I kinda figured, but it's an open offer if you change your mind." He notices the lack of comment about stalking and if he catches Eliot stalking he'll let the other man know that he knows he's there but do nothing to stop him or dissuade him. Steve hates the feeling of always being watched and monitored, but he's also accustomed to dealing with it. If this is the process Eliot needs to go through then he'll let the other man process as he needs.

"Say good-bye to Hardison and Parker for me. I told Hardison I'd be back again, the burgers really are that good..." Steve grins. "Beer too, but don't tell him I said that. But maybe next visit instead." Meaning Steve plans on giving Eliot room.

Eliot accepts the understanding with a mirroring tip of his head. Steve at least understands how hard it is to trust a Guide, any Guide, after what the military had done to them... it makes it a little easier to consider the possibility that Danny might actually be different, as Steve claims. Hell, as Eliot feels in his damn bones but can't quite make himself accept.

"I'll keep it in mind, man." He's not going to change his mind, not yet, but the offer is reassuring in its way as well. "I will, I-" He cuts off with an involuntary huff of amusement. "Yeah, no damn worries there, kid's got enough of a swelled head as it is." And amazing, his hackles aren't instantly up at mention of a next visit. The most adverse reaction he has is a sense of vague discomfort at the whole situation, and if he lets himself track it doesn't it's going to pretty much be at the idea of trying to figure out how to make things work. Which is a pretty damn good indication that's exactly what he wants to do.

PSL: Sentinel AU

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Re: Steve and Eliot Meeting, Portland - Friday

Eliot and Danny, Portland, Monday

Re: Eliot and Danny, Portland, Monday

Re: Eliot and Danny, Portland, Monday