dann_0 | PSL: Sentinel AU

It's a slow process and Steve feels like he's clawing himself out of a deep dark hole where he has to fight for every inch of ground gained. The zone is still pulling heavy on him and the tension in the air keeps the threat of going feral a real possibility but he needs know what the hell is going on.

When Eliot speaks the sound of his voice registers and twinges a memory. Hoping that will clear things up he reaches for that and when things fall back into place he groans. Eliot. Charlie. They're in the office. He doesn't remember Danny being there but knowing he zoned he can guess that Eliot called Danny. It explains the tension and why he can't get the relief that he needs.

Taking a shaky breath he tries to push away from Danny. "S-sorry." Every instinct is screaming at him to curl into his guide, to overwhelm himself with Danny's touch, smell, taste and sound, but Danny isn't his guide and he can't have what he needs. Nausea rolls in his stomach and this time when he pushes away he's successful in getting himself back into a seated position. He's pasty pale and he keeps his eyes closed as he takes deep breaths trying to calm his stomach.

His senses are a mess, he's still not hearing right and the only smell that doesn't seem overwhelming is Danny, but the sound of the door slamming is impossible to misinterpret and with one of the unidentified scents suddenly not as strong he realizes that Eliot has left the room. Swallowing he tilts his head in Danny's direction, keeping his eyes closed - he doesn't need to add more confusion to his already scrambled senses, and slurs out, "You shou go aftr 'em."

When Eliot pulls away Danny can't help but feel slightly let down. And it is even worse when Eliot speaks. He can hear hurt in those words and he hates it. But right now Steve needs him. "I'll find you later." He wishes he didn't have to.

Hearing Steve's words Danny shakes his head. "He needs some space and you need me." He isn't entirely sure space is what Eliot needs but he knows Steve needs him to be here. He reaches out to pull Steve close again. "You feeling better babe? I got you right here. When you feel alright, I'll grab you some water." He moves to continue stroking Steve's back.

"No." Steve shakes his head and resists Danny pulling him close. "I need t'learn t'deal on m'own." It hurts almost as much to say as it feels to sense Danny being so close and not allowing himself to reach out to him. "I'm outta d'zone. I'm good. Go."

This isn't working, isn't going to work for him. He let them get to close, that was his fault, backing off with Danny still being right there... He doesn't think he's strong enough to do it, but he doesn't have a choice.

His voice gains a bit of steal that he doesn't actually feel and makes it into a command. "Go, Danny. You need to go!"

Danny had been about to open his mouth to protest, to tell Steve that he'll stay here. But the command hits him in the gut like a punch and for a long moment, he is just stunned at being pushed away. He blinks a few times and then stands. He opens his mouth and then closes it. He grabs the Camaro's keys, switching them for the trucks and then he grabs Eliot's phone.

"Grace is with Kono. She's been asking about you, told her we'd have dinner together tonight all of us. I'll see you then."

Then he heads out of the office and into the rest of the building. "Eliot. Your phone." His voice doesn't carry the warmth it usually does, now it is just tired and defeated and hurt. "I am sorry."

Eliot's out of the room before he registers what he's done: that he has no car, and he's left all his things behind including his phone. It doesn't matter, he supposes, other than he also doesn't have anything with him now to help keep himself grounded, to keep the feral rage at having left his Guide behind from washing over him and rolling him under. But he's had a lifetime of practice at keeping himself together and functional and alive on his own, and he paces the circumference of the office, hands flexing restlessly while he tries to center himself enough to not be a menace in public.

It would be easier if he couldn't hear the conversation in the other room, couldn't smell Danny and Steve's scents twined and layered together so many times, so completely, in this space, that it's almost impossible to pick them apart from each other. But he doesn't have a choice, functioning isn't optional, and he's about to leave the office entirely, head for the street outside and try to get his shit together by walking and distracting himself when he hears Steve's voice.

"God dammit." It's under his breath, frustrated and angry and worried as he hears Danny get up. Answer. Move to leave. And for all Eliot wants Danny, wants him out here, with him, where he can see and touch and taste him, catch his scent without it twined inexorably with another Sentinel's, he doesn't want it like this. Because he hasn't known Danny long, but he knows him well enough to be sure that there's no way this scenario ends well for him. Steve's part of Danny's life--hell, he lives with the man, seems to essentially co-parent with him--and Eliot's a virtual stranger who lives twenty-five hundred miles away. If it comes down to a choice between them there's no way in hell that Eliot wins.

He's already turned to the door by the time Danny opens it, face set in grim lines. He doesn't take the phone when Danny holds it out, he does take Danny's arm in a solid but remarkably gentle grip and turn him back towards his office. He's not taking no for an answer. "Don't be a fucking jackass, McGarrett," Eliot snarls at the open door, glaring at the other Sentinel. "You're not even close t'good, you need his god damn help!"

Having moved into a forward position, his elbows are on his knees and his head is in his hands. He's messed things up badly, will be lucky if they can salvage any kind of friendship out of this, but still he sees no other way forward.

When the door opens he raises his head and opens his eyes. The pupils are pin-sized and all he really sees is two humanoid shadows in the light. He doesn't need to see them though, he knows exactly who they are. For a moment he just glares at them.

He's tired, he's hurting in every which way and he doesn't have the energy to fight this. It allows him to be more forthcoming than he normally would. Maybe once he tells them they'll understand and leave him the hell alone to start figuring this shit out for himself.

"I can't do it. I can't go back." Lower his eyes to the floor he shakes his head. When he speaks it's directed at Eliot. He's already tried to explain this to Danny and the other man just couldn't seem to understand, maybe Eliot being a sentinel he'll have better luck. "I thought if we were equals... That it'd be doable. That we could manage it. But we're not. You're the boyfriend. I need to be the friend but... I can't..." He can't go back to just being just friends. He had too much of Danny, more than he had a right too, and he hadn't thought about the future, now, when he allowed them to get closer. And now he needs that closeness, craves it with all of his being. Maybe if he had time, a chance to distance himself a little bit. A chance to get over Danny. But this, trying to do it like this, he just couldn't do it. "If I need to figure this out on my own he can't be at arm's reach."

Danny jumps and tries to protest when Eliot leads him back inside the office. He opens his mouth to protest at Steve but when the other speaks he falls silent. He's losing Steve, he can tell and it hurts so damn much he doesn't really know what to say.

"I love you both, you idiot. You're equal to me." He says quietly. He glances at Eliot. He knows Eliot doesn't want to hear this and that this might cost him both his boyfriend and his best friend. "That moment just now, where I had you both and ... I've never felt like that, never felt that whole and complete. Or rather only one time before and that was when I held Grace for the first time. I.. " He wants to say needs but he knows asking that is too much. "I want you both, as equals in every way."

Eliot's prepared to tell Steve to get his damn head out of his ass and take the help that's offered, he's even prepared to point out exactly why he knows things can't change between Steve and Danny. He's not prepared for Danny's little speech, though, and he freezes, blood running cold. Danny might mean it, or think he does--Eliot can hear it in his heart rate, smell the earnest sincerity on him--but that doesn't mean there's any way in hell it can work. There's only one way it can end, and for all that his heart rate and his hands stay steady Eliot's scent washes through with misery and pain and loss.

"Okay, you-" He points at Steve, expression flat and hard. "Are gonna pull your head outa your god damn ass an' take the help he's offering," he snarls, and he gives Danny a little shove--gentle, even now, but forceful enough to get the job done--towards Steve. "An' once you got your head screwed on straight he needs t'know what we've been doin' an' why." That's the most important part right now, and he stares balefully at Steve, silently demanding that he get his shit together enough to deal with that properly... and then he backs out the door and pulls it shut behind him, and this time when he turns and starts walking he doesn't slow down or stop.

He's got his wallet in his pocket, he can pay for a cab to get him to the airport and catch a flight home. Maybe he'll stop and buy a new phone along the way, he'll need a new number anyway, and there's nothing else in the duffel he's left behind in Danny's office that can't be replaced or that he isn't better off without. A clean break will be best.

Steve shakes his head at Danny's words. It's clear what the other man wants, Danny has been saying it repeatedly, but the problem is in order for him to have that, both he and Eliot have to function in a way that neither are built to do. He's been trying to tell him that for the last couple of days but Danny just doesn't seem to understand. Maybe Eliot can communicate it better than Steve can cause he's in no shape right now to keep trying.

His hearing is still messed up but tone and cadence are coming through loud and clear. What he heard in Eliot's voice carried a sense of finality to it. Closing his eyes, his chin drops to his chest. This isn't what he wants. He was much happier with the idea that he'd have to back out completely then have Eliot leave. Steve would go after him himself, but there's no way he's able to do that either.

"If you don't go after him now, you're not going to be able to later."

Danny doesn't need Steve confirming what he already knows. He also knows Steve will be there later. He trusts the man to do that for him. Eliot, he is not so sure about. So he nods and then hurries after Eliot. "Eliot. Wait. Please." He hurries to catch up with him. He doesn't know what to do, and he is terrified at the thought of losing either one of the two sentinels. Terrified of what they might do to themselves or others.

"Eliot, please. Please don't go. Please, can we talk about it, all three of us?" He reaches out, trying to pull Eliot close. "I love you. And I am not ready to lose you." If Eliot will let him he'll try to kiss him, trying to pour every bit of emotion he has into that.

Eliot hears Danny coming after him, but he neither stops nor hurries his steps. He doesn't react at all until Danny's voice breaks the aching silence and then he stops, head up and shoulders tense, but doesn't turn around. Doesn't move at all until he has to sidestep to evade Danny's effort to grab hold of him, because he can't do that, not when he knows he has to walk away.

"You need t'not do this, sweetheart," Eliot rasps, and he does at least turn to face him. His expression is just as flat and blank as it had been in Danny's office, concealing just as much loss and pain. "You don't know me well enough t'love me." He shakes his head and takes a half-step back, because he can't be that close and not reach for him. Not want him. "I'm not a lovable man... hell, I'm not even a good man. Maybe I'm just the kick in the shorts you needed t'sort your shit out with the man you actually know an' love."

Edited 2017-06-13 05:14 (UTC)

"I don't care if you're not a good man by whatever definition you go by. You're the man I am in love with. You're good for me. You're not 'just' anything. You're so much more. I love you." But the way Eliot is avoiding him hits him like punches. "But I can't be the only one fighting for this. I ... You're both pushing me away and I don't know what the fuck to do. I am sorry I am fucked up. I am sorry I can't just pick one. But I can't. If I do, I... " It would break his heart and he'd never feel whole again. "I need you. I need him."

Eliot visibly flinches, like Danny's words are body blows, and when he folds his arms over his chest it's unmistakably defensive. "The only one fightin' for this? Darlin', you need t'be thanking whatever god you believe in that you are the only one fightin' for this. 'Cause you've seen what it looks like when I fight for you, an' you don't want your boy back there added to the body count."

His hands flex into white knuckled fists and he looks away, his stern mask crumbling, but only far enough to melt into a scowl. "He can't do this on his own," he points out quietly. "You live with him, you work with him, you love him, he's your damn family. An' he can't do this without you." That much is clear. Steve has no idea how to cope without a Guide, where Eliot's survived almost half a lifetime on his own. He knows he won't make it much longer, but that's beside the point and it's not something he'll lay on Danny. Not now.

He presses a hand to the ache in his chest, the coiling heat of a bond so close to forming like a physical pressure behind his breastbone. But he makes himself take another half-step back, because the alternative is to step closer, and he's only got so much self-control. "You need t'let me walk away while I still can, sweetheart. 'Cause I ain't seeing any way to make this work when you've got everything you need an' want right here an' I'll never be closer than a ten hour flight away."

Danny licks his lips and nods. He knows Steve needs him. And he knows Eliot does too. But Eliot is right. Steve has no idea how to handle being on his own and unlike Eliot he is still on the military's radar. But that doesn't mean that Danny wants to let go of Eliot. "I am trying to make it work. I want it to work. I..." Eliot's words tears at his last defenses. "He says the same thing. That he doesn't think it can work because you can give me everything he can't." He sighs.

"I love you. I want you. Life here without you will never have everything I want and need. You're both asking me to pick the other and I don't want to pick. I need you both. Please. Please, Eliot can we talk about it? Go home all three of us and talk about what's going on." He takes a step back too. "Unless you don't want this to work?"

Eliot lifts one hand to scrub across his face and huffs a tired, bitter laugh. "Not want it t'work?" He shakes his head and doesn't look back up at Danny. "I wasn't pullin' your leg when I said there's never been anything I wanted more." He looks up then, his expression strained and pinched, tense enough that it doesn't take someone with a Guide's or Sentinel's sensitivities to see how tightly wound and barely controlled he is. "Except for you t'be safe, an' happy, an' for this t'not blow up in your damn face." It's as close as he can let himself get to telling Danny that he loves him too. Loves him enough that it's more important to him that Danny be safe, and happy, than it is that he be with him.

"We're possessive, sweetheart. Possessive an' over-protective as hell, an' if I get any further into this I'm not gonna be able t'back off. I'm not gonna be able t'walk away an' wish you the best."

Danny swallows. He doesn't really have an answer to the possessiveness after what he just saw. He licks his lips. "I... There was a moment in there where you both seemed happy." But maybe that had just been him projecting. Had it? Damn, he wasn't sure.

"Losing you means it already has blown up." He sighs. "You think you're too possessive to ever being able to share with him and be happy? I want to try to make you both happy, but if all it will result in is you both being hurt... That's why I want to talk to you both at the same time. We need to be on the same page."

"He was zoned, sweetheart," Eliot points out quietly. "An' when he started t'come out of it and realized he wasn't alone with you-" Well, Eliot doesn't think he really needs to say more than that, the reaction had been pretty clear.

"As for the rest-" He shakes his head and looks away again, and he just looks tired, now. Tired and sad. "I don't like the idea of anyone else touching you like that, but... but I knew goin' into this I didn't get that choice." He's not the one who'd even asked Danny to keep his clothes on with Steve, he hadn't been willing to take the risk of pushing, of making himself more trouble than the one thing he could give Danny that he wasn't getting from Steve was worth. If he doesn't have even that edge he can't see how he has enough to offer to make the distance and separation worth it.

"I don't know what t'tell you, darlin'. I don't know if I can do that, an' I think the odds are slim t'none that he can."

"He was confused. He doesn't trust you yet. But he can if you give him time. But he is not here. We're making a lot of assumptions on what he feels or thinks or is willing to do." He pauses and looks at Eliot. "You have the right to ask for it. You have just as much rights here as anyone else. I just don't know if I can give that to you, the same way I don't know if I can give it to him."

"Can we just please not do anything rushed? Come back inside, talk to him, talk about this. At the very least come get your things and say a proper good bye?"

"What he wants t'do is push you out of his life an' go it alone," Eliot points out quietly, his voice almost painfully steady and even. "He made that pretty damn clear. An' it's just as clear that neither of you can function that way." Eliot scrubs a hand through his hair and then tucks them both into his pockets when he realizes he's having trouble controlling the shaking. "I can't get in the middle'a that, sweetheart. I can't get even deeper into this an' then have to walk away, 'cause he can't share you an' you can't give him up."

Edited 2017-06-13 18:28 (UTC)

Danny looks down. "I know. And... And I won't ask you to. If either of you can't share we'll call this off. But he is pulling back because he thinks you want him to. Because he thinks you can't share. I... " Danny's voice breaks a little and he turns. Trying to hide the pain as best he can. "Please, please Eliot I am begging you. Don't leave."

"Christ," Eliot mutters under his breath, because even if Danny didn't suck at hiding his pain it wouldn't really matter, not with how hyper-focused Eliot's senses are on him at all times. There's no way he can miss it in his voice or posture or expression or scent, no way he can fail to notice how his misery is building and compounding.

"C'mere, sweetheart," he rasps, and reaches out to hook a shaking hand into the front of Danny's shirt and pull him close enough to wrap his arms around him. "I don't see how what you're askin' for can work," he murmurs into Danny's hair, and knows he shouldn't have let himself touch because there's no way he'll be able to make himself let go and walk away again right now. "Just remember that no matter what happens you're not gonna end up alone, okay?" Because he knows Steve won't be able to walk away from him without Eliot in the picture, and once Danny's over the initial grief and hurt of this whole shit show he's sure that'll be enough.

Danny sighs into the hug, just pure and utter contentment. He leans up enough to press a kiss to Eliot's neck. Just a soft quick one. "I am asking for a lot. I know that. I know I am being greedy. I just... I can't explain it." He sighs. "I guess I suck at this being a guide thing."

Then he moves just enough that he can meet Eliot's eyes. "You'll stay? At least for a bit?" He is trying to give Eliot the biggest puppy eyes he can manage.

Eliot shudders at the soft press of lips, and his fingers curl just a little tighter in the back of Danny's shirt. He's not entirely sure he's going to survive losing this, but he figures it'll be okay so long as he knows Danny's taken care of.

"For a bit," he concedes reluctantly, but there's no way he could say no at this point. "You gotta go take care'a your Sentinel now, though." And walking back in there with him might be enough to bow this all to hell badly enough that even Danny will have to admit it can't work.

"One of my Sentinels... Though that doesn't exactly sound good, does it?" He takes Eliot's hand with a smile and leads him back to the palace. Once they get to the five o offices he smiles back at Eliot.

"Hey, Steve. Eliot came back, you alright with him being here?" He figures he should give his partner a heads up as he heads towards his office. Hopefully, he can get them both to agree to head back to Steve's place. Somewhere more relaxed and then they can talk. At this point that is all he is hoping for.

Steve hasn't left Danny's office. Actually he hasn't even left Danny's couch, or moved from the position he was in when Danny last saw him. Instead he'd been sitting there trying not to think about the mess things had turned into while trying to get his senses back into something he could work with and get the pounding behind his eyes to calm down, even just a little bit. He wasn't succeeding on the pounding, or the nausea, but he could see and hear more clearly, so that was a start.

And, he could actually hear and understand the words that Danny yelled out to him. Truth be told, he hadn't expected them to return. He figured either Eliot had made it far enough out that Danny had to chase him off the property, or they'd had a blow out and Danny continued leaving as he was before Eliot had dragged him back. The possibility he had hoped for, that Danny was able to convince Eliot not to go, hadn't included them returning. He's not so certain he's happy that they have, after all, it's likely going to lead to more arguing and he really isn't up for that.

Clearing his throat, he raises his voice to call out, "Good!" He figured Danny asked the question for Eliot's benefit so he adds as much positivity he can to his voice. "You know that I am!" Turning his head he waits for them to both appear in Danny's doorway. "Welcome back. Danny, you still keep a bottle of Advil in your desk?"

Edited 2017-06-14 05:06 (UTC)

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