dann_0 | PSL: Sentinel AU

That causes Steve to blink at Danny. "When was the last time you wore a shirt to bed, Danny?"

It almost sounds petty when he says it out-loud, but the sleeping arrangement was one of the things he found helped him the most. Nights Danny wasn't near his sleep was disturbed, often filled with restlessness and nightmares. It was a large part of the reason they had ended up in this position to begin with. Steve generally slept better, soundly, when he was curled into Danny, skin against skin and Danny's heartbeat in his ear. Seeing Eliot being functional for so many years away from both the military and a guide has made Steve wonder how much the military has made him reliant on a guide. He has to give the other sentinel a lot of credit, he's not sure he'd function well without a guide long term like that, but then he's never really been without.

It's hard for Steve to stay angry at Danny. Like most times, he finds he really doesn't want to. "I think..." Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I think we're going to need to discuss what I can expect from you, and what I can't. I'm going to need it to be clear. You're right. You're a consenting adult free to do what you want, and I have no right or claim to make any demands... But I need to know where the lines are."

Danny hesitates. Eliot had said he could do what he needed to do, but he had also not been happy with the fact that Steve and Danny sleep in the same bed. He looks away, down at his feet. Was he trying to have too much and end up hurting both of them? He didn't want to hurt them, but isn't that what he's doing right now to Steve.

"He is ... threatened by you." He starts quietly. "I don't want him to be so I told him I'd be wearing clothes to bed." He looks down at his hands, rubbing them together. "I don't want either of you to be threatened by the other but I am not sure what I can do. You both think you're going to lose me to the other, and there is nothing I can do to prove otherwise."

"He's not the only one, Danny." Shooting Danny a look, he needs to move. Stepping out of Danny's embrace he starts to pace. "You can't keep telling us both that we can have it all. You can't give your all to two different people like that. That things aren't going to change with me and then make different arrangements with him. It doesn't work."

The fear is bubbling up under him again, fuck he hates this.

Danny looks at him for a long moment, he wants to answer, wants to step close and soothe those fears. Instead he shakes his head. "Alright, you're right, it's not fair. Things are going to change. I'll be going to see him for one. When I have time. And I am not going to be as ... well shirtless with you as I was before. But I'll still be here, I'll still sleep in your bed if you want me. We'll still cuddle. And we'll still be partners." He hopes. Oh god does he hope Steve still wants him around.

Steve nods and sticks his hands under his arms. The truth stings but no where near as much as being told things weren't changing when he knew they were. "Thank you."

The pacing comes to stop on the far side of the room, his back is to Danny and he drops his head. He needs time to wrap his head around all this. The changes he wasn't expecting but should have been. The new way of life. In front of him to the side is a chair with a T-shirt draped over it. It's his shirt, but Danny wears it when he's around and Steve's been sleeping with it since Danny has been gone. It still smells of him. Grabbing it he slips it on and turns towards the bedroom door.

"Sleep here. I'm gonna... I need a bit of space." He nods. Space. That's exactly what he needs. The hammock outside is where he's thinking. "Right now... Just for... I need to... Adjust. We'll talk more tomorrow?" He nods and takes another step. "Alright? You sleep here tonight and we'll talk more tomorrow?"

Danny watches him leave, scared and sad. Not scared of Steve but rather of losing him. "Promise you won't do anything stupid? Please?" He needs to know Steve will be safe. He goes to sit on the bed, feeling utterly defeated. How could he fuck up this badly? It takes him a long time to crawl into bed, and when he does he curls up on Steve's side. His face buries into the smell of Steve.

"I'm not going anywhere," he says as he slips through the door. "I'll just be downstairs."

Padding softly down the stairs, he grabs a throw off the couch and heads out the back. It's a beautiful night. The stars are out twinkling and there's a soft breeze coming off the ocean with the sound of the waves gently lapping up against the shore. It's peaceful. It's where he often came when he struggled before Danny moved in. Stretching out on the hammock he spreads the throw over him and stares up at the night sky.

He doesn't sleep and when the dawn light just cracks over the water he gets up. The blanket is folded and placed back on the couch and Steve uses the laundry room to change into his boardies and he heads off for his morning swim. About an ninety minutes later he's back on the beach. Pulling on a clean T-shirt and a fresh pair of boardies from the laundry room he moves to the kitchen to start making coffee and frying some eggs and bacon.

Danny's changed into some clean clothes, some of his own. And he is already in the kitchen. The coffee is almost done and he has two mugs out. When Steve steps inside he glances at him but looks away. He looks like hasn't slept, instead, he's just been curled up on Steve's bed. Alone.

He pours Steve some coffee and then some for himself. He licks his lips but he doesn't know where to start. He has been utterly selfish asking too much of both of them and he knows he deserves any silent treatment he gets.

It's unexpected to see Danny up so early and already ahead with the coffee, although he supposes he shouldn't be surprised. Danny doesn't look like he got any more sleep than Steve did. But the time on the hammock helped Steve. Gave him a chance to reorganize his thoughts, compartmentalize some things away and get with the new program. This isn't the first time he's had to do this.

"Hey partner," he says in greeting. It's not chipper but there will be no silent treatment from him, he doesn't see the point in it, and he doesn't need to make things worse. Danny could still leave completely and that's not what he wants either. Taking a sip from the coffee Danny poured him, he offers a small smile. "Thank you. Do you want bacon and eggs?" Steve didn't eat much the night before and while he's still not got an appetite he knows he needs to eat.

A wave of relief washes over Danny when Steve speaks to him and he can't help but smile. "I won't say no to that." Still smiling he moves to get them the ingredients as well as some butter for Steve's coffee and some milk for himself. It is nice falling into old patterns. "Had a good swim?"

He gets a frying pan out and then starts to cut the bacon. He knows this kitchen as well as Steve does and he does want to keep busy so he doesn't get lost in thought again.

Danny's relief is like a physical thing, and Steve feels the wave of it washing away some of his lingering unease at the situation as well. He returns the smile as he gets out the eggs and the bread to make toast. "It was... Good. Uneventful."

They work and move well around each other. Steve adds the butter to his coffee and then returns it and the milk to the fridge once Danny is done doctoring his own. He knows he needs to say something. That they need to finish the conversation so that it won't be hanging in between them, but he'd hadn't gotten that far yet.

"Danny, I'm sorry." He starts and then stops. That was the easy part but no where near the only. "Finding out if things had been different, that we could have... Had more... That you found more with another sentinel... It... Messed me up a bit. I'm not trying to excuse anything, just... I'm sorry I made this difficult for you. More than it has to be. That wasn't my intention."

Danny stops, watching him. He is about to say something when Steve starts again and his jaw drops a little. "You wanted more?" He licks his lips unsure what to say to that. "Steve. I... I didn't think you'd be interested in that. Didn't want to risk what we had... have, on that chance. Lose you just because..." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm the one who's made it difficult. I am sorry, I should have been honest with you, with myself. About that and about change."

"With the Navy... With the way things are with Catherine showing up regularly. How could I ask for more with that hanging over my head. You deserve better Danny." And truth be told, Steve was scared of messing up and losing Danny too. He offers Danny a weak smile. "With any luck you've found something good with Eliot. I'll support you in that the best I can. I uh... It may take a bit to get used to seeing you with someone else but I'll get there, Danny." He is determined.

Danny gives him a weak smile. "And you'll still be my partner? And my Sentinel?" Even now he is terrified of losing Steve. Losing the only thing that makes this place home. He'd stay for Grace, but without Steve he'd be miserable.

"I hope I've found something good with him. But I don't want to lose the good thing I have with you."

"You're my backup, Partner. The only one I trust to always have my back, I'm not giving that up." He gives Danny a smile then looks away. "I still can't reconcile how you can have two sentinels. Especially one that's only a friend and the other that's a lover." Steve swallows and stills his hands from breakfast preparations. "But truth be told I've never really been without a guide. Even when my abilities came back, before we knew, you'd been guiding me. I'll work on being more independent, but I'm still going to be reliant on you... I'm sorry for that too."

Finding another guide just leaves him in this same situation. He realized last night that the Navy was banking on this. That his abilities would come back and he'd need Catherine to keep balanced. Who else would he have?! They didn't figure on Danny and that's given him some time.

Danny nods and then moves close, placing a hand on Steve's back. "I think that would be good. Not because I don't want you close but because I want you to be as strong and capable as you can be. If something happens to me I need you to take care of Grace for me. I am not going to stop being your guide though."

He moves to help Steve, getting a pan out and adding the bacon to it.

Steve tenses when Danny's hand lands on his back and he prevents himself from pushing into it as he normally would. Being more independent means less of accepting comfort every time it's offered. He can't help the shiver that runs down his spine though when Danny moves away again. He has no doubt this is going to be difficult. With Grace coming this weekend though, that should help. Danny will be in his own room just by having her here, that should make the adjustment easier. Idly he wonders if he can talk Rachel into letting Grace stay for a week - not likely. "Happy to hear you agree. I'm sure with a bit of discipline we can get it back to where it was, before." Holding up an egg, he asks, "Scrambled or sunny side up?"

"Nothing better happen to you!" There's almost a growl to his voice. "But I'll always be there for Grace." Even when he gets called back to active duty or if Rachel moves her or tries to prevent him from contacting her, he'd find a way to keep in touch.

Edited 2017-06-01 18:51 (UTC)

"Before I found out you mean?" Danny does his best to hide the disappointment in his voice. He's grown used to being close to Steve, to touch and be touched in return. He's pretty sure it's been a crush for a long time now. "I'll have whatever you want."

He smiles at the little almost growl and then the promise. "I know, but sometimes accidents happen, Steve. We don't exactly have a safe job. And I need to be sure she's taken care of should anything happen."

Steve frowns at that and shakes his head. "This isn't what I want, Danny, but it's how things need to be. You have another partner now, a romantic one and that takes precedence over friends, even best friends." Without having an answer he starts cracking eggs to mix in a bowl. "We shouldn't have let things get this far between us. I wasn't thinking long term. I'm sorry for that. I really am."

"I'll just have to keep making sure it doesn't!" Losing Danny in the line of duty is not an option if he can do anything to prevent it.

"You know, I used to think that way with Rachel. Let her be everything in my life apart from work. And you know how that ended up. I want to make room for him in my life yes, but I also want to make sure there is room for you there." He runs his hand through his hair. He doesn't really buy how them being close was bad in the long term. But he doesn't want to argue with Steve. They had enough of that last night.

"I know you will. You're a good man, even if you are an idiot." He is happy to fall into their old little pretend fights.

"As a friend. I'll still be part of your life as that and your work partner, but what we were doing... That's not what friends do." Says the man who's never had a friend like Danny before, or close friendships at all for that matter. "Grace, your partner back east, you can't tell me you guys snuggled. And if you did, Rachel was okay with that." Part of the problem is Steve wants to fight. He doesn't want to let Danny go or distance himself in any way. He's not only fighting with Danny, but also with himself. He knows he has to back off but dammit he doesn't want to.

"No, but Grace wasn't a sentinel. Or if she was it was long before I was a guide. We're a bit different, you need the touch. Didn't you touch your previous guides?" He shakes his head. "As my friend and my Sentinel"

He reaches out to give Steve's shoulder a squeeze before he returns to the bacon.

"Just because I'm a sentinel and your friend doesn't give me the right to be in the way with your romantic relationships. If you had still been dating Gabby when this all started we wouldn't have gotten so... Intimate. She would have been upset finding out that we sleep and cuddle together. It's understandable that Eliot would too." Steve sighs and drops his head. "If anything, being a sentinel makes it all the more important to have well defined boundaries. We're possessive by nature and are known to go feral when our boundaries are challenged." Steve was more prone to zone than to go feral but he knew others were the opposite. Whichever way Eliot leaned towards he didn't know but he knew the chances were high he was one of the two. Seeing the hickeys all over Danny had almost been enough to send him into a zone. His smell that integrated into Danny's along with the knowledge of how intimate they were would certainly trigger the other man. While Danny wanted to claim both of them as his, Eliot and Steve meant nothing to each other. It was going to be difficult to allow the other to be that close to their guide.

Steve shakes his head at Danny's question. "Not really, no." Touch is Steve's most sensitive sense and he considers it to be very intimate. At first he was too withdrawn with everything that happened in such a short time that others touching him was too overwhelming. It pushed at his barriers and crowded the space that he needed to have around himself. Once guides started being regularly reassigned he needed a certain level of detachment that was too difficult to maintain if he let them get to close. Training with touch had been the one he hated the most and it was the one they used to zone him when he was being disciplined. When Steve had met Danny, he was touch starved by choice. It had amazed and quite frankly scared him at first how much Danny liked to touch, but then Steve started finding he didn't mind being touched by Danny, and then he even came to like it. Now touch along with Danny scent is what Steve finds centers him the most and keeps his senses balanced.

"You've seen me with Catherine." There's barely any contact there and Steve naturally gravitates to Danny even in her presence. "That's pretty much as much as it gets." Even when they slept in the same bed, snuggling did not happen. Steve had his side, she had hers.

"He said the same thing about you being possessive. You Sentinels I mean." He sighs a little, he wishes this was easier but he knows he can force it. From what they've said he knows they have already been through enough of other people forcing things on them. "But alright. We'll dial it dow. Alright."

He frowns at that. He knows how much Steve enjoys being touched and the idea of losing that aspect of his friendship is not something he is happy about. "But with me you ... You never had that?" He hates what they have done to Steve and to Eliot. Using them like this and not letting them have what they need. He frowns and looks away. "I wish I'd know about it sooner. I could have helped you."

Steve nods both relieved to hear Danny agree with him and hurt that he did. It's a fucked up situation no matter which way he looks at it. Danny is conceding now because Steve has asked him to. Steve is asking him in order to give Danny a better chance at his relationship with Eliot. A relationship that he supports because it will be better for Danny in the end. It's his own doing, putting this distance between them, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

"Not before you, no. Touch was... Uncomfortable. Even overwhelming at times. With you..." Steve shrugged. "A lot of things changed, I don't know why. You touching me doesn't feel like it does with others." That was putting it mildly but Danny was well aware of how much his touch did for him. "And your scent and your voice have stronger effects on me than in the past with other guides." The corner of his lips twitched up in a smile. "Without sounding sappy, you're easier on the eyes and taste better too." Dropping his eyes, the twitching stops and the smile fades. "I think you've been helping since we met, partner. We just didn't realize it." Looking up at Danny there's sadness in his eyes, but Steve forces a smile before looking back at the now scrambled egg mix to add to the pan. "And you'll continue to. It'll just be as friends instead of the old married couple routine we've fallen into."

This was for the better. He had to keep telling himself that. It was hard now, but in the long term, it would be better.

Edited 2017-06-04 21:20 (UTC)

PSL: Sentinel AU

Picking Danny up at the Airport

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Picking Danny up at the Airport

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Picking Danny up at the Airport

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Picking Danny up at the Airport

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Picking Danny up at the Airport